( this must be the most inconvenient way of communicating ever invented. it's certainly the least intuitive.
however, as much as he'd like to blame his reluctance to reach out to alina on this fact, the truth is he's hesitated mostly because he could never figure out where to start. their last encounter hadn't gone well, and with genya in the mix...well. )
I owe you an apology. Actually, I owe you several apologies, but let's begin with how I acted the last time we met and go from there, shall we?
( an awkward pause, then: )
I can't imagine how it must have felt for you, especially considering all that you've already endured, to be treated in such a manner.
however, as much as he'd like to blame his reluctance to reach out to alina on this fact, the truth is he's hesitated mostly because he could never figure out where to start. their last encounter hadn't gone well, and with genya in the mix...well. )
I owe you an apology. Actually, I owe you several apologies, but let's begin with how I acted the last time we met and go from there, shall we?
( an awkward pause, then: )
I can't imagine how it must have felt for you, especially considering all that you've already endured, to be treated in such a manner.
[ she jumps like someone has fired an arrow into her. but, no, it's just aleksander's voice. in her head as if he were right in front of her, speaking. she presses a hand to her chest, apologizes to the bookbinder, and steps into the backroom of the shop.
she speaks aloud because she doesn't trust herself not to cross her wires if she trusts the voice inside of her head. a stray thought could make its way in. that could be dangerous—deadly. ]
You don't always have control over them, do you? Your shadows. [ that's all she can imagine he'd specifically be apologizing for. the way he'd allowed them to roil and furl towards her. ] I don't know why I thought it'd be different for you than it is for me. Age, I suppose.
she speaks aloud because she doesn't trust herself not to cross her wires if she trusts the voice inside of her head. a stray thought could make its way in. that could be dangerous—deadly. ]
You don't always have control over them, do you? Your shadows. [ that's all she can imagine he'd specifically be apologizing for. the way he'd allowed them to roil and furl towards her. ] I don't know why I thought it'd be different for you than it is for me. Age, I suppose.
I have yet to find your Mal, but I have found a man called Kirigan that says he's from Ravka.
Thought you'd like to know.
Thought you'd like to know.
[ oh.
this is ... nice.
it was inevitable, she supposes. there are only so many of them. their numbers were countable as they emerged from the woods. but ... ]
Thank you. [ her tone is careful. precise enough to give away that she's taking her time to think about how she wants to react. ] What do you make of him?
this is ... nice.
it was inevitable, she supposes. there are only so many of them. their numbers were countable as they emerged from the woods. but ... ]
Thank you. [ her tone is careful. precise enough to give away that she's taking her time to think about how she wants to react. ] What do you make of him?
[Deep Thoughts with Ianthe Tridentarius]
You think there are like anti-thunderstorms some place where there's flashes of extreme darkness in the middle of the day, followed by loud, high-pitched screeches?
You think there are like anti-thunderstorms some place where there's flashes of extreme darkness in the middle of the day, followed by loud, high-pitched screeches?
[A few days after dinner with the Duchess, a letter is left for Alina at the bookstore. A single piece of paper folded in thirds, the ends folded inward and sealed with hardened fat bearing the three-pronged mark of the Tridentarii like a wax seal.
On the outside, it read Alina Starkov. Once the seal was cracked, the inside read:
I am aware this is stupid and silly. Forgive a girlish indulgence.
I.N.
Enclosed was a handmade woven friendship bracelet made of embroidery floss, five strands - two violet, one light grey, and two a gold that matched that of Alina's kefta.
Unfortunately, Ianthe utterly failed to recall that Alina wouldn't be able to read a word of what she wrote. Perhaps the handwriting was familiar from Ianthe's notebook. At the very least, the proprietor of the bookstore would be able to describe the person who delivered it if questioned.]
On the outside, it read Alina Starkov. Once the seal was cracked, the inside read:
I am aware this is stupid and silly. Forgive a girlish indulgence.
I.N.
Enclosed was a handmade woven friendship bracelet made of embroidery floss, five strands - two violet, one light grey, and two a gold that matched that of Alina's kefta.
Unfortunately, Ianthe utterly failed to recall that Alina wouldn't be able to read a word of what she wrote. Perhaps the handwriting was familiar from Ianthe's notebook. At the very least, the proprietor of the bookstore would be able to describe the person who delivered it if questioned.]
[ she has to compare it against the journal. she can't tell that it's for her, but it's a letter in the bookstore, and it's not in the native language that hurts to look at, so she may as well open it.
she worries it's felipe, angry about how their date had gone.
but the bracelet inside suggests something else. she tries again to look at the lettering, to make sense of it. but it looks passing familiar, so she does compare it against the journal.
are those the same stroke types? or is that just what house always reads like? she wouldn't be able to tell someone's handwriting in shu. but she doubts gideon or john would be sending her anything anyway.
so she reaches out. ]
Did you leave something for me?
she worries it's felipe, angry about how their date had gone.
but the bracelet inside suggests something else. she tries again to look at the lettering, to make sense of it. but it looks passing familiar, so she does compare it against the journal.
are those the same stroke types? or is that just what house always reads like? she wouldn't be able to tell someone's handwriting in shu. but she doubts gideon or john would be sending her anything anyway.
so she reaches out. ]
Did you leave something for me?
[It was nearing lunchtime two days after Ianthe had transformed. She sat on the steps of a shop across the street from where she could sense Alina's thalergy. She probably should've done this the day before but these weird self-narratives of guilt and shame had held her back, though she told herself it was to give Alina space. But the narratives were itchy and she needed to shed them before they left a stench on her.]
Hey. I'm across the street. Can we talk face to face? I brought lunch.
[Ianthe looked far healthier and better than she had for weeks, save for the dinner party (she'd cheated with necromancy for that). Her hair was one again her best feature, soft and flowing freely, and she'd applied her eye makeup properly. The dark circles were gone. She wore trousers with boots and a long sleeved shift for a top that had been altered to sport a deep open cut that plunged and, while keeping her covered, left little to the imagination. Next to her on the step was a sack with something vaguely rectangular inside. Sitting on top of that was a covered basket containing the aforementioned lunch.
Resting her arms on her thighs, if not for the bone hand, Ianthe almost looked like a normal person.]
Hey. I'm across the street. Can we talk face to face? I brought lunch.
[Ianthe looked far healthier and better than she had for weeks, save for the dinner party (she'd cheated with necromancy for that). Her hair was one again her best feature, soft and flowing freely, and she'd applied her eye makeup properly. The dark circles were gone. She wore trousers with boots and a long sleeved shift for a top that had been altered to sport a deep open cut that plunged and, while keeping her covered, left little to the imagination. Next to her on the step was a sack with something vaguely rectangular inside. Sitting on top of that was a covered basket containing the aforementioned lunch.
Resting her arms on her thighs, if not for the bone hand, Ianthe almost looked like a normal person.]
That depends.
How are you feeling?
Are you planning to maul me, burn my hand, or otherwise attack me?
[ the fact that she's cognizant is promising, but then, she'd been cognizant the first time she'd hurt alina, technically. and she'd started out cognizant in the woods. ]
How are you feeling?
Are you planning to maul me, burn my hand, or otherwise attack me?
[ the fact that she's cognizant is promising, but then, she'd been cognizant the first time she'd hurt alina, technically. and she'd started out cognizant in the woods. ]
She's not Grisha. I'm not sure how much help I'd be.
[ frankly, it hadn't occurred to her to go look at it. unlike (apparently) most of the void-touched, alina is not quite arrogant enough to think she could discern how to use an unfamiliar power. ]
But if there's a chance to get your hands on it so that we can actually bargain with her over it...
[ frankly, it hadn't occurred to her to go look at it. unlike (apparently) most of the void-touched, alina is not quite arrogant enough to think she could discern how to use an unfamiliar power. ]
But if there's a chance to get your hands on it so that we can actually bargain with her over it...
[ Does it feel a little bit awkward to just send off a message like this to someone he's never spoken to? Sure. Usually Daniel would find it a little bit too direct, but considering the topic, he can't exactly not contact her. ]
Sorry for contacting you out of the blue like this. I saw you talking to Terry Silver, and I think there are some things you need to know about him. Could we meet up? [ Because it feels just a little too awkward to lay this all out over this weird new kind of telepathic communication method.. ]
Sorry for contacting you out of the blue like this. I saw you talking to Terry Silver, and I think there are some things you need to know about him. Could we meet up? [ Because it feels just a little too awkward to lay this all out over this weird new kind of telepathic communication method.. ]
Hey Sunshine, when we hit the banya tomorrow, I might have gills. Just a heads up so you don't freak out or something.
[A messenger hand-delivers an envelope bearing his name to Alina, either at her residence or about town (your choice). The envelope is sealed with purple wax pressed with a symbol reminiscent of an upside-down trident. Within is the following invitation written in Rubean.]
[CW: implied bull kink, cuckolding, breeding kink, creampie, multiple partners, serial partners, sloppy seconds, bondage, voyeurism, d/s, necromantic manipulation, animated skeletons, vague allusion to necrophilia (forgive me if I missed any warnings).]
[OOC: The party ICly takes place on December 22nd and Ianthe's house from 7:00-8:00pm on a first come/first serve basis. The log will be posted on Dec 17th, with the smut threads themselves intended to be short. There will be a place for partygoers to mingle amongst themselves while waiting their turn.
Reply to this comment to RSVP Ianthe on your character's attendance, refusal, questions, etc. Feel free to contact Gilia via her inbox to confirm the invitation is legit/with concerns or questions. It is okay to decline the invitation!
Important note: Whereas Ianthe will take participation in the party as IC consent to have her use her necromancy to speed up orgasm if needed, this will only occur with OOC permission.]
[CW: implied bull kink, cuckolding, breeding kink, creampie, multiple partners, serial partners, sloppy seconds, bondage, voyeurism, d/s, necromantic manipulation, animated skeletons, vague allusion to necrophilia (forgive me if I missed any warnings).]
[OOC: The party ICly takes place on December 22nd and Ianthe's house from 7:00-8:00pm on a first come/first serve basis. The log will be posted on Dec 17th, with the smut threads themselves intended to be short. There will be a place for partygoers to mingle amongst themselves while waiting their turn.
Reply to this comment to RSVP Ianthe on your character's attendance, refusal, questions, etc. Feel free to contact Gilia via her inbox to confirm the invitation is legit/with concerns or questions. It is okay to decline the invitation!
Important note: Whereas Ianthe will take participation in the party as IC consent to have her use her necromancy to speed up orgasm if needed, this will only occur with OOC permission.]
[Ianthe sat on this for a few days, going through the process of deciding what she wanted to do instead of just reacting, but it did remind her to follow up with Alina.]
I figured out who the vampire was. He also confessed. I also have clarification on what did and did not happen.
If you want to know.
I figured out who the vampire was. He also confessed. I also have clarification on what did and did not happen.
If you want to know.
[ she's not. it's hours later before alina responds. in the wake of the chaos, alina has been reclusive, sleeping in late and isolating herself. what time isn't spent in the library is spent in her room, sleeping when she can, and staring at the ceiling when she can't. ]
I am now. What is it?
I am now. What is it?
I’m sorry.
For not telling you. For all the shit I said this month. ( a pause. ) I don’t expect forgiveness or you to answer but—- I am sorry. You’re important.
For not telling you. For all the shit I said this month. ( a pause. ) I don’t expect forgiveness or you to answer but—- I am sorry. You’re important.
[ she doesn't respond right away.
the topic is fraught. eddie had not been the only one she'd found keeping things from her this month, or betraying her trust in other ways. she stares at the ceiling a while, working through it.
maybe everyone does. maybe the best she can expect is a sorry afterwards, and it does her no good to hold resentments. but there's that clawing panic in her chest when she thinks of it. the one that makes her think of aleksander, and the war room, and baghra, and —
she pushes herself up onto her elbows and looks around her room, half-expecting to see him, like she so often does now. but there's nothing. she's alone. really. ]
What happened? [ she asks, finally. ] I want to hear it from you.
the topic is fraught. eddie had not been the only one she'd found keeping things from her this month, or betraying her trust in other ways. she stares at the ceiling a while, working through it.
maybe everyone does. maybe the best she can expect is a sorry afterwards, and it does her no good to hold resentments. but there's that clawing panic in her chest when she thinks of it. the one that makes her think of aleksander, and the war room, and baghra, and —
she pushes herself up onto her elbows and looks around her room, half-expecting to see him, like she so often does now. but there's nothing. she's alone. really. ]
What happened? [ she asks, finally. ] I want to hear it from you.
[ Nikolai is just fine, and still Quentin stresses the last few moments before he hears from the man any given day. His disappearance in January lingers uncomfortably in the back of Quentin's mind, and they're just friends. He can't imagine what it must be like being his wife--or maybe he can, given how much he seems to have in common with Alina.
[ With their commonalities in mind, Quentin reaches out. After everything. He knows that he'd like for someone to be checking on him. ]
you doing okay?
[ With their commonalities in mind, Quentin reaches out. After everything. He knows that he'd like for someone to be checking on him. ]
you doing okay?
Because he's a detestable worm who insults me every chance he gets?
[ oop turns out she's Still Mad about that network interaction, despite ianthe's efforts to be her therapist. ]
I don't know. He's just doing it for attention. It feels worse to give him a reaction, doesn't it?
[ oop turns out she's Still Mad about that network interaction, despite ianthe's efforts to be her therapist. ]
I don't know. He's just doing it for attention. It feels worse to give him a reaction, doesn't it?
I'm leaving for the caves soon. Will you come see me off?
[ she thinks of when ianthe had done the same. turned over a key to her home, welcomed alina into her space. this is different, though. it's a fallback. a shelter in emergency. not a gesture of intimacy, but a failsafe. ]
Putting yourself at risk for Zlatka's heart?
That doesn't seem like you. Especially given our conversation at tea.
Putting yourself at risk for Zlatka's heart?
That doesn't seem like you. Especially given our conversation at tea.
While deep in the caves (cw: psychosis throught thread)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
princess_of_ida
2024-03-18 02:06 pm (UTC)(link)
There's this art form from back before the Great Resurrection where broken pottery pieces are put back together with gold. Stemmed from a belief that through embracing flaws and imperfections, an even stronger more beautiful piece of art was created.
I always thought it looked tacky. Why would I ever want something that showcased fragility? If it wasn't perfect, I didn't want it. It didn't matter that perfection wasn't real, that it's manufactured and not genuine, if it wasn't mine, it had to be perfect. I'd never own one of those pieces of pottery.
And now here I sit, in the dark under the ground where we're all going to die, bathed in glowing light that feels like a mockery of yours, looking at my arm. Broken. Repaired. Covered in gold.
I wonder if Augustine was thinking about that art form when he suggested I gild it, showed me how to do so. I wonder if I filled in all my cracks, all the fractures, all my broken pieces with gold and let them be seen, would I be beautiful or just another piece of tacky First House trash.
I suppose it doesn't matter. I don't even have all the pieces anyway.
I always thought it looked tacky. Why would I ever want something that showcased fragility? If it wasn't perfect, I didn't want it. It didn't matter that perfection wasn't real, that it's manufactured and not genuine, if it wasn't mine, it had to be perfect. I'd never own one of those pieces of pottery.
And now here I sit, in the dark under the ground where we're all going to die, bathed in glowing light that feels like a mockery of yours, looking at my arm. Broken. Repaired. Covered in gold.
I wonder if Augustine was thinking about that art form when he suggested I gild it, showed me how to do so. I wonder if I filled in all my cracks, all the fractures, all my broken pieces with gold and let them be seen, would I be beautiful or just another piece of tacky First House trash.
I suppose it doesn't matter. I don't even have all the pieces anyway.
You're already beautiful.
[ this is where she begins. it's hard to answer. there is so much from that sudden, brief flood of emotion that she hasn't sifted through, from when the cave opened up into her and nikolai's room. she remembers aleksander's face. remembers feathers sticking out of her shoulder blades. she rubs at her own face. ]
You're only thinking like this because that cave is messing with you.
[ this is where she begins. it's hard to answer. there is so much from that sudden, brief flood of emotion that she hasn't sifted through, from when the cave opened up into her and nikolai's room. she remembers aleksander's face. remembers feathers sticking out of her shoulder blades. she rubs at her own face. ]
You're only thinking like this because that cave is messing with you.
(cw: toxic relationship, dubcon refs, jealousy, codependence)
sunmon
- 2024-03-31 01:27 (UTC) - Expandcw: death, lobotomies, suicidal ideation, genocide, genital mutilation
princess_of_ida
- 2024-03-31 01:40 (UTC) - Expand[ They'd been apart for a stretch, when the group had returned from the caves. Alina holed up with Ianthe. Nikolai occupied with the fall out from the month's chaos. The unanswered questions left to settle, put aside for the moment.
But on this, the first night where they've shared a bed in days, tucked together in the gray of early morning, Nikolai asks her— ]
Will you let me ask you about it?
[ Because there's certainly only one thing he could be referring to, really. ]
But on this, the first night where they've shared a bed in days, tucked together in the gray of early morning, Nikolai asks her— ]
Will you let me ask you about it?
[ Because there's certainly only one thing he could be referring to, really. ]
[ she'd been lulled into security, lying there the night before and realizing he wasn't going to question her when she came back. tucking in against him and believing for a moment that it could just go back to how it was. that they could pretend.
she's not even sure he's awake until he asks the question. she keeps her cheek on his chest, her gaze frozen on the wall beside the bed. ]
I don't know what you want me to say. [ is small, quiet. ]
she's not even sure he's awake until he asks the question. she keeps her cheek on his chest, her gaze frozen on the wall beside the bed. ]
I don't know what you want me to say. [ is small, quiet. ]
(cw: refs to corpse mutilation, religious themes, bad vibes)
sunmon
- 2024-04-02 16:17 (UTC) - ExpandI shoved this picture I let myself get talked into having taken at Jem's party under your door. First one was all fucked up and shit but they insisted on me giving a "real" smile. So I did my best.
It looks so fucking fake but you can have it. Keep it, burn it, I don't care, but it's yours. Unless Nikolai steps on it. Then it's probably trash.
[The picture in question is similar to this without the glamorshots look. (Art credit: MargoAquato)]
It looks so fucking fake but you can have it. Keep it, burn it, I don't care, but it's yours. Unless Nikolai steps on it. Then it's probably trash.
[The picture in question is similar to this without the glamorshots look. (Art credit: MargoAquato)]
Edited (I can html sometimes) 2024-04-10 16:47 (UTC)
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