[ she drops her gaze, uneasy, a sort of struggling press of her mouth that swallows something back. it's impossible not to think of aleksander, of the way he pressed her into the library desk, of the way he dragged her satisfaction out of her with an infuriating slowness that she would have never agreed to, but which left her boneless and satisfied in a way that she scarcely understood and certainly feared. ]
I don't know. [ she tugs on the braid hanging over her shoulder. ] I want you to know me well enough that the answer is to keep going. I don't want you to read my mind. I just want you to understand.
[Ianthe's hand moved to Alina's face, to draw her eyes back up.]
And I want you to give me firm boundaries. Tell me where your lines are and I'll color within them. Because without them, I'll do what I want, when I want, and where. I'm an insatiable creature that wants you every way possible.
So give me boundaries. Please. I'll respect them. And then I'll know where I can push and where to stop.
I just ... [ she lifts her chin, looks in ianthe's eyes, and her expression contorts as anger melts away to reveal the wound underneath. ] I just want to feel like I'm important to you.
[ the kiss is wrought with agony. alina leans into it, her hands finding ianthe's hair, pulling her in. clinging rather than holding. she feels pathetic and small and needy, but it hasn't driven ianthe away. instead, it's kept her close, made her softer.
it feels good. being not just wanted, but needed. it's an intoxicant. alina's lips part, slipping into it, and all her insistence on talking through anything starts to slip away. ]
[Alina grabbed and pulled her in, and a whimper slipped from Ianthe. Her arms wrapped around Alina, gripping her clothes at the back with a desperation in contrast to her usual control. Like she was afraid Alina would change her mind and shove her away. She'd been trying so hard to not tell Alina she needed her, not wanting to explain why or have her misunderstand, but how else could she express how important she was? Gilia might soothe her cavalier soul but it was the necromancer caught in the sun's gravitational pull.
Boundaries and wants were forgotten about with the parting of lips. Ianthe took it as invitation and deepened the kiss, wanting to taste and feel and just BE with Alina right then. She infused her muscles with thanergy and dropped her hands to pick Alina up without breaking the kiss.]
[ she squeaks out a noise of surprise as she's hefted up into ianthe's arms, but she keeps that noise muffled between her lips and ianthe's, and twines her legs around ianthe's hips to stabilize herself quickly. like the eagerness has been barely restrained until now.
the clumsy miscommunications, wounds rubbing against wounds, that had gotten them here are forgotten. alina pulls sharply on ianthe's hair, trying to tip her head back so that alina can kiss along her jaw instead. ]
[The kiss is broken with an entirely embarrassing sound somewhere between a gasp and moan, that jerk on her hair heating her face up and sending a spike of arousal through her. Head tilted wherever Alina wanted it, Ianthe's breathing was ragged and her eyes half-closed.
Where were they? Fuck, she couldn't remember, didn't care. It didn't matter. Cinching her arms to support Alina, she sought out a wall or counter to lean back against.]
[ her teeth scrape on ianthe's jaw. one little concession to the aggression that had nowhere else to go but grief. but as her back is pinned to the wall, she grunts, her attention slips. she redoubles it, journeying down ianthe's neck, too.
it's a movement made uncomfortable by alina's amplifiers. only slightly, but one of them starts to nudge at ianthe's chin, now. but alina's growing used to it. she doesn't flinch away, or get awkward about their impossible to ignore presence. they feel less like a barrier, now, or some intrusion, and more like an extension of herself. ]
[The bite was welcome, encouraged even with the whimper it pulled from her. Ianthe knew she wanted to slip her necrocock and bang Alina hard enough into the wall that they'd both be sore afterward. Even the press of the amplifier against her wasn't a concern; it was just part of Alina now and if there was anyone that didn't mind the feel of bone against her in these kind of moments, it was Ianthe.
Still, despite the urge, it was only her flesh hand that found its way up Alina's skirts. She smoothed her palm along her thigh to the hip and then dragged her nail down the skin.]
[ alina's voice a rasp as she breaks from ianthe's neck, breath releasing in a shudder as the nails wake her flesh up, reminding it to be sensitive, alert, vulnerable to ianthe. it feels good. the ease of it reassures her in a way that words never could. ]
Please, I need you too. [ her forehead presses against the back of ianthe's jaw as she whines, whines, whines. too often it seems like these are the only moments she feels good and whole anymore. ]
[This time when her hand slid up, it shifted to the inner thigh and then nestled between them. Burrowing past underclothing in search of heat, one Ianthe found it, she gave a shuddering exhale at the wetness. At Alina needing her.]
Oh fuck, Sunshine. Kiss me, tell me what you want. Anything.
[Turning her hand, the fingers delved past folds to tease a bit before she pressed two fingers inside. Foreplay was pushed aside in favor of getting to feel Alina.]
[ ianthe's fingers find alina already wet—and who could blame her, when so much of the very conversation that had infuriated them both had been centered on very detailed imaginings of sex acts? she is too afraid to ask for more of how ianthe had fantasized her, but ianthe had fantasized her, and that knowledge spread warmth from her belly outward. ]
Saints. [ she sighs it out, pausing for one selfish moment to just revel in the feeling of fullness. but then, when she has savored the stretch, the first press inside, she fumbles her lips against ianthe's. open-mouthed, hungry, and wet as her cunt. the kind of greedy drowning that alina is so good at. ]
[The less Alina seemed to be in her own head, the more she just went with the sensations and her own lust, the messier her kisses got. How Ianthe loved that mess. There was little finesse but the raw want more than made up for it. These were the kisses Ianthe reveled in, meeting then in kind. Being with someone, really with them, want an elegant affair. It was heat and sweat and arousal and saliva and all those things that got animaphiliacs looked down upon.
Sex want supposed to be pretty; it was primal.
Curling her fingers, Ianthe thrust as best as she could with her off-hand. In the cramped quarters, it probably wouldn't make any difference if she'd gone with the bones. Short and quick was the name of the game, Ianthe's hips grinding a bit in conjunction, until Alina wanted something more.]
[ ianthe's fingers curl, and so do alina's toes. she moans against ianthe's mouth, unwilling to let go for even a moment. but the kiss still breaks, their lips connected only by a wet string of saliva that shines under the sunlight. ]
More. [ she begs. her hand drops down to press between ianthe's shoulder blades for stability, and her nails dig in. ] More, please. Show me. Show me how much you want me. I'll let you have whatever you want. [ she's babbling, now, but this is what seems to make the most sense. to offer all of herself in exchange for ianthe's willingness to take it. ]
cw: body modification, marking (really wish autocorrect would stop making wasn't want)
[It was quick, the speed in which Ianthe crafted her theorem and replaced the fingers with her cock. She barely even got her trousers open enough for it. But the slick member sunk into Alina easily until it was sheathed and Ianthe pressed her body to pin Alina against the wall, fully joined, for a moment.]
You feel so good, baby. [Hands under her backside for support, Ianthe took her mouth to Alina's neck as her hips began to move. Starting slowly, she kissed and nipped at the soft skin, getting more toothy, more passionate, as her thrusts grew faster and harder.] So good squeezing down on me.
[The amplifier scraped painfully against Ianthe face and jaw as she pulled skin into her mouth to suck upon and leave a hickey right where everyone would be able to see. She didn't care.] Come all over my cock, baby. Make me come with you.
[ the first time she'd taken ianthe's cock, alina hadn't considered it real. it was a tool, not an extension of herself. more artificial toy than part of her body. but it is warm and solid and thick inside of her and now alina knows how ianthe's face looks when she comes from the stimulation, feels utter certainty about ianthe's ability to feel every nerve.
now alina knows it's ianthe's cock, whether she made it or not.
and it feels so good to be full with it, for her back to chafe against the wall through her shirt with each thrust, for ianthe's hips to spread alina's narrow thighs apart as wide as they'll go, the tendons strained with effort. she croons, each little gasp made a stutter by the force of the thrusts that knock her back against the wall. ]
Yes. With me. Be with me. [ she tips her head back, leans the crown of her head to the wall both to give ianthe room at her neck and to keep her head from rattling inconsistently with the rest of her.
like this, it doesn't take long for alina to get there. for the pressure clenching tighter and tighter around ianthe to reach its apex, for alina's breath to stop, her spine to go stiff. her cunt tries to squeeze ianthe out, to keep her from pushing back in, but every renewed thrust is like finding religion. ]
[One of these days someone was going to ask her too much about her cock and she wasn't going to have as easy a time answering as she used to, but that wasn't today. Flesh was flesh and this was hers.
Ianthe left a necklace of love bites for Alina as her hips snapped forward and she moaned against Alina's throat. Blood smeared on her clavicle from an amplifier scratch when she rapidly switched to the other side, healed but with evidence left behind.
She could feel Alina getting close, both physically and necromantically. She craved that release and everything that came with it. As Alina started to crest, Ianthe reached back with her bone hand to pull Alina's from her back. Lacing their fingers together she held the hand to the wall and leaned in to make sure she had enough leverage for Ianthe's own orgasm wasn't far behind Alina's.
Hers was far from silent with the intensity behind it with ravenous moans into her neck.]
[ the intimacy of it feels dangerous. she knows that neither of them can hold onto this thing forever, that ianthe holds a hand that now has a little black band of ink soaked into her skin that promises her to someone she loves. but that love hasn't stopped her from craving ianthe's respect, desire, company.
alina's eyes drift shut and her breathing evens out, sweat sticking their bodies together as movements slow and stop. ]
Thank you. [ she mumbles it out when she has the breath to do so. maybe that sounds absurd, but it helps her feel better. wanted. ]
[Ianthe understood her place. She didn't like it and the tattoo felt hypocritical, but it was a familiar position for her to be in - wanting someone in love with someone else. She didn't want to let Alina go, so she wouldn't. She'd keep her as much as she could for a long as she could. Nikolai had been told as much.
These moments, coming down from the high when it was just then, made the torment worth it. Raising her head, Ianthe pressed soft kisses to Alina's face and lips.] Anytime, baby.
[She sucked in a sharp breath as she pulled out and carefully turned them so her back was against the wall. She slid down to the floor and cradled Alina against her. Breathing hard, the thanergy faded from her muscles and the cock disappeared. Eyes closed, her head thunked against the wall. Makeup sex was so fucking good.]
[ she makes a noise of squirming protest when the cock recedes and she is left empty, but it melts away into a laugh as she turns her head, forehead pressed to ianthe's sweaty hair. it's absurd, really. all of it. yet the absurdity makes it more comfortable, in a way. leaving spaces for the little human pieces of her that remain.
the silence is comfortable for a few minutes. her skirt and ianthe's hips give her enough dignity that she isn't eager to move, even as people pass by. they don't make any comment. it's not that uncommon, here. zadza is zadza.
she gathers her wits about her slowly, though, and eventually says, ] I hope you don't think I'm upset that you're doing this with Gilia.
[Someone brought the earlier discarded rapier over to lean nearby so no one would trip on it. They got an appreciative nod, and that was all the attention Ianthe bothered giving their surroundings.
She idly played with Alina's braid as her breathing evened out and she closed her eyes.] I don't. Why does it take us blowing up like this to figure shit out? First the Void, now this... fuck, next time I might tell you I love you.
[Her voice was a tired murmur, content with Alina against her, and much more self-aware.]
[ a little defensive, but not as much as before. she lifts her head, stares over ianthe's shoulder at the rest of the town, at the light of day. ]
I think it was the same at Recumita. I don't ... I don't want to feel like I could be anyone. Or like I'm a thing you could use to satisfy Gilia. You said you want to be with me because it's me. That's ... That's all I want. I want to be able to tell that's true.
[ she leans her chin on ianthe's shoulder, hands dropping to her ribs, tracing the lines between each. ]
We can do better. [A hard thing for Ianthe to admit.] Which is why those boundaries are important. And you just gave me one. Thank you.
I thought you understood at Recumita it was just play, the degradation, but now I know that's not the kind of play you like. I won't do it again.
[Letting the braid go, she moved to an idly massage of Alina's nape, flesh fingers gently kneading.]
I get... caught up in my head sometimes and it gets hard to think of anything else. One of the things that makes me a great necromancer but it fucks with my personal life. I think that got the better of me that night.
[ she mumbles it out, and frowns to realize that she's thinking of aleksander in the library. that she needs to figure out how to articulate the difference that the context made, and —
something else. her stomach flutters and twitches uncomfortably trying to find words for it. ]
I'll try to think on it. A way to say what ... what I do and don't want.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(cw: dubcon refs & negotiation)
I don't know. [ she tugs on the braid hanging over her shoulder. ] I want you to know me well enough that the answer is to keep going. I don't want you to read my mind. I just want you to understand.
cw: negotiation
And I want you to give me firm boundaries. Tell me where your lines are and I'll color within them. Because without them, I'll do what I want, when I want, and where. I'm an insatiable creature that wants you every way possible.
So give me boundaries. Please. I'll respect them. And then I'll know where I can push and where to stop.
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You are important to me, Sunshine. I need you.
[Those last three words were whispered with a hint of rawness, and Ianthe leaned down to kiss Alina.]
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it feels good. being not just wanted, but needed. it's an intoxicant. alina's lips part, slipping into it, and all her insistence on talking through anything starts to slip away. ]
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Boundaries and wants were forgotten about with the parting of lips. Ianthe took it as invitation and deepened the kiss, wanting to taste and feel and just BE with Alina right then. She infused her muscles with thanergy and dropped her hands to pick Alina up without breaking the kiss.]
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the clumsy miscommunications, wounds rubbing against wounds, that had gotten them here are forgotten. alina pulls sharply on ianthe's hair, trying to tip her head back so that alina can kiss along her jaw instead. ]
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Where were they? Fuck, she couldn't remember, didn't care. It didn't matter. Cinching her arms to support Alina, she sought out a wall or counter to lean back against.]
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it's a movement made uncomfortable by alina's amplifiers. only slightly, but one of them starts to nudge at ianthe's chin, now. but alina's growing used to it. she doesn't flinch away, or get awkward about their impossible to ignore presence. they feel less like a barrier, now, or some intrusion, and more like an extension of herself. ]
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Still, despite the urge, it was only her flesh hand that found its way up Alina's skirts. She smoothed her palm along her thigh to the hip and then dragged her nail down the skin.]
Can I?
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[ alina's voice a rasp as she breaks from ianthe's neck, breath releasing in a shudder as the nails wake her flesh up, reminding it to be sensitive, alert, vulnerable to ianthe. it feels good. the ease of it reassures her in a way that words never could. ]
Please, I need you too. [ her forehead presses against the back of ianthe's jaw as she whines, whines, whines. too often it seems like these are the only moments she feels good and whole anymore. ]
cw: public sex (wherever they are)
Oh fuck, Sunshine. Kiss me, tell me what you want. Anything.
[Turning her hand, the fingers delved past folds to tease a bit before she pressed two fingers inside. Foreplay was pushed aside in favor of getting to feel Alina.]
But kiss me first.
(shhh don't think abt it)
Saints. [ she sighs it out, pausing for one selfish moment to just revel in the feeling of fullness. but then, when she has savored the stretch, the first press inside, she fumbles her lips against ianthe's. open-mouthed, hungry, and wet as her cunt. the kind of greedy drowning that alina is so good at. ]
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Sex want supposed to be pretty; it was primal.
Curling her fingers, Ianthe thrust as best as she could with her off-hand. In the cramped quarters, it probably wouldn't make any difference if she'd gone with the bones. Short and quick was the name of the game, Ianthe's hips grinding a bit in conjunction, until Alina wanted something more.]
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More. [ she begs. her hand drops down to press between ianthe's shoulder blades for stability, and her nails dig in. ] More, please. Show me. Show me how much you want me. I'll let you have whatever you want. [ she's babbling, now, but this is what seems to make the most sense. to offer all of herself in exchange for ianthe's willingness to take it. ]
cw: body modification, marking (really wish autocorrect would stop making wasn't want)
You feel so good, baby. [Hands under her backside for support, Ianthe took her mouth to Alina's neck as her hips began to move. Starting slowly, she kissed and nipped at the soft skin, getting more toothy, more passionate, as her thrusts grew faster and harder.] So good squeezing down on me.
[The amplifier scraped painfully against Ianthe face and jaw as she pulled skin into her mouth to suck upon and leave a hickey right where everyone would be able to see. She didn't care.] Come all over my cock, baby. Make me come with you.
cw: some gender fuckery abt body modification
now alina knows it's ianthe's cock, whether she made it or not.
and it feels so good to be full with it, for her back to chafe against the wall through her shirt with each thrust, for ianthe's hips to spread alina's narrow thighs apart as wide as they'll go, the tendons strained with effort. she croons, each little gasp made a stutter by the force of the thrusts that knock her back against the wall. ]
Yes. With me. Be with me. [ she tips her head back, leans the crown of her head to the wall both to give ianthe room at her neck and to keep her head from rattling inconsistently with the rest of her.
like this, it doesn't take long for alina to get there. for the pressure clenching tighter and tighter around ianthe to reach its apex, for alina's breath to stop, her spine to go stiff. her cunt tries to squeeze ianthe out, to keep her from pushing back in, but every renewed thrust is like finding religion. ]
cw: some vague genderfluidity, blood
Ianthe left a necklace of love bites for Alina as her hips snapped forward and she moaned against Alina's throat. Blood smeared on her clavicle from an amplifier scratch when she rapidly switched to the other side, healed but with evidence left behind.
She could feel Alina getting close, both physically and necromantically. She craved that release and everything that came with it. As Alina started to crest, Ianthe reached back with her bone hand to pull Alina's from her back. Lacing their fingers together she held the hand to the wall and leaned in to make sure she had enough leverage for Ianthe's own orgasm wasn't far behind Alina's.
Hers was far from silent with the intensity behind it with ravenous moans into her neck.]
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alina's eyes drift shut and her breathing evens out, sweat sticking their bodies together as movements slow and stop. ]
Thank you. [ she mumbles it out when she has the breath to do so. maybe that sounds absurd, but it helps her feel better. wanted. ]
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These moments, coming down from the high when it was just then, made the torment worth it. Raising her head, Ianthe pressed soft kisses to Alina's face and lips.] Anytime, baby.
[She sucked in a sharp breath as she pulled out and carefully turned them so her back was against the wall. She slid down to the floor and cradled Alina against her. Breathing hard, the thanergy faded from her muscles and the cock disappeared. Eyes closed, her head thunked against the wall. Makeup sex was so fucking good.]
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the silence is comfortable for a few minutes. her skirt and ianthe's hips give her enough dignity that she isn't eager to move, even as people pass by. they don't make any comment. it's not that uncommon, here. zadza is zadza.
she gathers her wits about her slowly, though, and eventually says, ] I hope you don't think I'm upset that you're doing this with Gilia.
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She idly played with Alina's braid as her breathing evened out and she closed her eyes.] I don't. Why does it take us blowing up like this to figure shit out? First the Void, now this... fuck, next time I might tell you I love you.
[Her voice was a tired murmur, content with Alina against her, and much more self-aware.]
God, we need to learn to communicate.
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[ a little defensive, but not as much as before. she lifts her head, stares over ianthe's shoulder at the rest of the town, at the light of day. ]
I think it was the same at Recumita. I don't ... I don't want to feel like I could be anyone. Or like I'm a thing you could use to satisfy Gilia. You said you want to be with me because it's me. That's ... That's all I want. I want to be able to tell that's true.
[ she leans her chin on ianthe's shoulder, hands dropping to her ribs, tracing the lines between each. ]
I want to be able to feel it.
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I thought you understood at Recumita it was just play, the degradation, but now I know that's not the kind of play you like. I won't do it again.
[Letting the braid go, she moved to an idly massage of Alina's nape, flesh fingers gently kneading.]
I get... caught up in my head sometimes and it gets hard to think of anything else. One of the things that makes me a great necromancer but it fucks with my personal life. I think that got the better of me that night.
Alina Starkov, there's no one like you.
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[ she mumbles it out, and frowns to realize that she's thinking of aleksander in the library. that she needs to figure out how to articulate the difference that the context made, and —
something else. her stomach flutters and twitches uncomfortably trying to find words for it. ]
I'll try to think on it. A way to say what ... what I do and don't want.
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(cw: light internalized ableism)
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cw: discussion of bone insertion, coercion
(cw: oblique torture ref, light disability fetishizing, dubcon/coercion)
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cw: circumcision
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cw: DP
still cw
still cw
(cw: dubcon refs, threesome talk)
cw: threesome talk, death threat
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Feels like a good end