[ the first time she'd taken ianthe's cock, alina hadn't considered it real. it was a tool, not an extension of herself. more artificial toy than part of her body. but it is warm and solid and thick inside of her and now alina knows how ianthe's face looks when she comes from the stimulation, feels utter certainty about ianthe's ability to feel every nerve.
now alina knows it's ianthe's cock, whether she made it or not.
and it feels so good to be full with it, for her back to chafe against the wall through her shirt with each thrust, for ianthe's hips to spread alina's narrow thighs apart as wide as they'll go, the tendons strained with effort. she croons, each little gasp made a stutter by the force of the thrusts that knock her back against the wall. ]
Yes. With me. Be with me. [ she tips her head back, leans the crown of her head to the wall both to give ianthe room at her neck and to keep her head from rattling inconsistently with the rest of her.
like this, it doesn't take long for alina to get there. for the pressure clenching tighter and tighter around ianthe to reach its apex, for alina's breath to stop, her spine to go stiff. her cunt tries to squeeze ianthe out, to keep her from pushing back in, but every renewed thrust is like finding religion. ]
[One of these days someone was going to ask her too much about her cock and she wasn't going to have as easy a time answering as she used to, but that wasn't today. Flesh was flesh and this was hers.
Ianthe left a necklace of love bites for Alina as her hips snapped forward and she moaned against Alina's throat. Blood smeared on her clavicle from an amplifier scratch when she rapidly switched to the other side, healed but with evidence left behind.
She could feel Alina getting close, both physically and necromantically. She craved that release and everything that came with it. As Alina started to crest, Ianthe reached back with her bone hand to pull Alina's from her back. Lacing their fingers together she held the hand to the wall and leaned in to make sure she had enough leverage for Ianthe's own orgasm wasn't far behind Alina's.
Hers was far from silent with the intensity behind it with ravenous moans into her neck.]
[ the intimacy of it feels dangerous. she knows that neither of them can hold onto this thing forever, that ianthe holds a hand that now has a little black band of ink soaked into her skin that promises her to someone she loves. but that love hasn't stopped her from craving ianthe's respect, desire, company.
alina's eyes drift shut and her breathing evens out, sweat sticking their bodies together as movements slow and stop. ]
Thank you. [ she mumbles it out when she has the breath to do so. maybe that sounds absurd, but it helps her feel better. wanted. ]
[Ianthe understood her place. She didn't like it and the tattoo felt hypocritical, but it was a familiar position for her to be in - wanting someone in love with someone else. She didn't want to let Alina go, so she wouldn't. She'd keep her as much as she could for a long as she could. Nikolai had been told as much.
These moments, coming down from the high when it was just then, made the torment worth it. Raising her head, Ianthe pressed soft kisses to Alina's face and lips.] Anytime, baby.
[She sucked in a sharp breath as she pulled out and carefully turned them so her back was against the wall. She slid down to the floor and cradled Alina against her. Breathing hard, the thanergy faded from her muscles and the cock disappeared. Eyes closed, her head thunked against the wall. Makeup sex was so fucking good.]
[ she makes a noise of squirming protest when the cock recedes and she is left empty, but it melts away into a laugh as she turns her head, forehead pressed to ianthe's sweaty hair. it's absurd, really. all of it. yet the absurdity makes it more comfortable, in a way. leaving spaces for the little human pieces of her that remain.
the silence is comfortable for a few minutes. her skirt and ianthe's hips give her enough dignity that she isn't eager to move, even as people pass by. they don't make any comment. it's not that uncommon, here. zadza is zadza.
she gathers her wits about her slowly, though, and eventually says, ] I hope you don't think I'm upset that you're doing this with Gilia.
[Someone brought the earlier discarded rapier over to lean nearby so no one would trip on it. They got an appreciative nod, and that was all the attention Ianthe bothered giving their surroundings.
She idly played with Alina's braid as her breathing evened out and she closed her eyes.] I don't. Why does it take us blowing up like this to figure shit out? First the Void, now this... fuck, next time I might tell you I love you.
[Her voice was a tired murmur, content with Alina against her, and much more self-aware.]
[ a little defensive, but not as much as before. she lifts her head, stares over ianthe's shoulder at the rest of the town, at the light of day. ]
I think it was the same at Recumita. I don't ... I don't want to feel like I could be anyone. Or like I'm a thing you could use to satisfy Gilia. You said you want to be with me because it's me. That's ... That's all I want. I want to be able to tell that's true.
[ she leans her chin on ianthe's shoulder, hands dropping to her ribs, tracing the lines between each. ]
We can do better. [A hard thing for Ianthe to admit.] Which is why those boundaries are important. And you just gave me one. Thank you.
I thought you understood at Recumita it was just play, the degradation, but now I know that's not the kind of play you like. I won't do it again.
[Letting the braid go, she moved to an idly massage of Alina's nape, flesh fingers gently kneading.]
I get... caught up in my head sometimes and it gets hard to think of anything else. One of the things that makes me a great necromancer but it fucks with my personal life. I think that got the better of me that night.
[ she mumbles it out, and frowns to realize that she's thinking of aleksander in the library. that she needs to figure out how to articulate the difference that the context made, and —
something else. her stomach flutters and twitches uncomfortably trying to find words for it. ]
I'll try to think on it. A way to say what ... what I do and don't want.
It's not, and I do have a good idea what you like. It's just... there's a spectrum in there, and I need to find tune it to you.
[Ianthe knew both Alina and Gilia were submissive in bed, but they were very different kinds. Gilia was a people-pleaser that liked being used whereas Alina was more of a pillow queen that wanted worship. Maybe. It was hard to read, especially when the woman herself didn't seem to know.]
We're adults. We're fucking. We need to be able to talk about this. It's always okay to tell me no or stop. I think you know that but I needed to say it.
And if you want something or just want to tear my clothes off, go for it. I'll take the reigns, always, if you hand them to me.
[ even as she says it, she's choosing to say this instead of "but what if i want you to tear MY clothes off?" ]
Everything feels like too much. Maybe you'll wake up one day and decide that it's not worth taking the reins when the horse is lame or sickly or something.
[Wait. Ianthe took a breath and settled the thoughts that tried to drag her away from something she's thought about but should've said before now.]
Alina, you're worth more than the things that happened to you. You're worth more than what other people see in you to exploit. Even if you didn't have the gift of the sun, I would still want you. And frankly I don't give a fuck what other people think of you. Even that voice in the back of your head that's already starting to argue can go fuck itself.
Ask me for anything. Ask me for everything. And when it comes to sex, if you want me and you can't think of any other way to tell me that, just whisper in my ear "Take me." Cause that's hot as fuck, and I will.
[ sure enough, she had drawn a breath in anticipation of argument. she has grown deft in deflecting such reassurances, even if some part of her flinches and flutters with the need to hear it.
but then the rest comes. and alina's expression crumbles, softens. for a moment, there's a headiness about her gaze, which drops from ianthe's eyes to her lips. like she might kiss her again. might devour her again. might start it all over once more.
alina blinks through it with a deep breath. they're talking. they're adults. if they can fuck, they can have a conversation. ]
That. [ there's a breathy quality about her voice still. ] I like that.
[ it's tangled up in the details, but hearing that she is wanted, that ianthe would eagerly take her, in the same breath that ianthe demonstrates that she does understand alina, that she sees alina's insecurities and self-pity and intrusive thoughts and wants her despite that? it's addictive, even. ]
[The surge in Alina's body that Ianthe could feel through the physical contact, that intense want, was enough to make her breath hitch and her own heart thud heavy in her chest. It was strong enough that if Alina had kissed her right then, the people around definitely would've gotten another show. Ianthe could only hold herself back so much and with that, she would've been conquered in an instant.
A slow, controlled breath out, and Ianthe wet her lips, her arm tightening a fraction about Alina. Maybe Ianthe finally figured it out, how to phrase things the right way. It couldn't be absolutes for Alina when it came to battling her self-loathing, her learned deprecation - no 'was' or 'are', but 'more than'. It seemed that maybe, just maybe, she could accept being a single step above instead of being placed on the pedestal so many had her on. Ianthe didn't have her on a pedestal but that was only because she preferred her women to roll in the much with her. Most of the time. This was something Ianthe could work with. She finally found a foothold that made her feel like it could be better. It would be better.]
I mean it, Sunshine. Anytime. I might have to excuse myself depending on timing, but I will be there. I might even be dramatic about it.
[She might even throw Alina over her shoulder and then transport them via liminal space to someplace secluded if she ever called for her while they were in a crowd. That would be hella dramatic. And fun. Ianthe smiled and leaned her forehead against Alina's.]
If you want dramatic, just wait until Resurrection Day. I was already planning to be dramatic. Cause I want you to feel special.
Ridiculous is okay. [She pressed a kiss to Alina's forehead and then leaned back against the wall again. She raised up her bone hand, the gold catching in the light as she articulated phalanges in what's become a nervous tick for her.]
I'm right handed. I'm not very good using my left hand, but I've tried using it because I know this isn't comfortable. [She wiggled the golden bones.] I can coat them in flesh... but I don't like doing that. I want to know if it's okay if I put them inside you again.
[She paused a moment, trying to find the right words.] I kind of feel like I pushed too far with them at the festival. I just want to see where you are with them.
[ there's a lot there. she sits up a little straighter, pulling her skirt down and disentangling just enough to sit comfortably, then leaning back against ianthe again. ]
You're right that it's not exactly comfortable. [ but that hadn't stopped her from grinding herself pathetically on nikolai's shin, which had been just as bony and uncomfortable when she'd done it. ] But it's part of you. So I wouldn't say I mind it. I don't ... You don't have to change yourself like that. Or in any other way.
[ she doesn't come outright and name ianthe's cock, but the little fluster to her expression seems to invite it into the space between them all the same. ]
Sometimes and on some parts of me, the feeling is ... exciting? That doesn't sound terrible, does it? [ she frowns. ] I didn't mind them inside of me at the festival. It's not my favorite, but —
It was just ... everything that was going on. With Aleksander, and the way you were talking, and I didn't really feel like you wanted me to say no and ruin it either. Which would have been alright except I didn't really feel like you wanted me to want them. Does that even make sense? Like ... I felt like I could have been anyone.
[Ianthe was glad Alina acknowledged that they were a part of her, which was why she didn't want to coat them in flesh. If someone wanted to be with her, they needed to want to be with HER. All of her. Bones included. She'd had such an argument with Coronabeth over her arm, having to justify why she didn't give it flesh and skin, and not having to do that with Alina was refreshing. Though, she did catch the reference to her cock. Well, that was another matter altogether.]
I think I understand. That night was a whole mess, thinking back on it. It was about you, about me wanting you, but I acknowledge that I handled it wrong. Had I known about Aleksander, I probably could've pulled myself out of my hyperfixation, because it was you, but at the very least, I would've done things differently.
[She reached up to lay the bone hand on Alina's cheek, thumb scraping lightly as she brushed it, just searching Alina's eyes for a moment. Then she quirked her lips.] I do like giving you my cock, though. It's great being inside you with it. I literally cannot describe the heaven you take me to when you cum all over it. I've had it for so long, it feels like a part of me, not just a theorem I put together to prove I could to my sister. [She raised an eyebrow.] Is the size good for you? I can make it bigger, thicker, smaller... A cock just for you.
Completely customizeable. It's the biggest perk of being with an animaphiliac. Especially one as good as me. Indulge a little, Sunshine. It's good for the soul.
[If she wanted to be a size queen or just try something out for the hell of it, Ianthe would do her best to provide.]
...except I can't make it ejaculate. It's a jizz-free zone.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cw: some gender fuckery abt body modification
now alina knows it's ianthe's cock, whether she made it or not.
and it feels so good to be full with it, for her back to chafe against the wall through her shirt with each thrust, for ianthe's hips to spread alina's narrow thighs apart as wide as they'll go, the tendons strained with effort. she croons, each little gasp made a stutter by the force of the thrusts that knock her back against the wall. ]
Yes. With me. Be with me. [ she tips her head back, leans the crown of her head to the wall both to give ianthe room at her neck and to keep her head from rattling inconsistently with the rest of her.
like this, it doesn't take long for alina to get there. for the pressure clenching tighter and tighter around ianthe to reach its apex, for alina's breath to stop, her spine to go stiff. her cunt tries to squeeze ianthe out, to keep her from pushing back in, but every renewed thrust is like finding religion. ]
cw: some vague genderfluidity, blood
Ianthe left a necklace of love bites for Alina as her hips snapped forward and she moaned against Alina's throat. Blood smeared on her clavicle from an amplifier scratch when she rapidly switched to the other side, healed but with evidence left behind.
She could feel Alina getting close, both physically and necromantically. She craved that release and everything that came with it. As Alina started to crest, Ianthe reached back with her bone hand to pull Alina's from her back. Lacing their fingers together she held the hand to the wall and leaned in to make sure she had enough leverage for Ianthe's own orgasm wasn't far behind Alina's.
Hers was far from silent with the intensity behind it with ravenous moans into her neck.]
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alina's eyes drift shut and her breathing evens out, sweat sticking their bodies together as movements slow and stop. ]
Thank you. [ she mumbles it out when she has the breath to do so. maybe that sounds absurd, but it helps her feel better. wanted. ]
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These moments, coming down from the high when it was just then, made the torment worth it. Raising her head, Ianthe pressed soft kisses to Alina's face and lips.] Anytime, baby.
[She sucked in a sharp breath as she pulled out and carefully turned them so her back was against the wall. She slid down to the floor and cradled Alina against her. Breathing hard, the thanergy faded from her muscles and the cock disappeared. Eyes closed, her head thunked against the wall. Makeup sex was so fucking good.]
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the silence is comfortable for a few minutes. her skirt and ianthe's hips give her enough dignity that she isn't eager to move, even as people pass by. they don't make any comment. it's not that uncommon, here. zadza is zadza.
she gathers her wits about her slowly, though, and eventually says, ] I hope you don't think I'm upset that you're doing this with Gilia.
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She idly played with Alina's braid as her breathing evened out and she closed her eyes.] I don't. Why does it take us blowing up like this to figure shit out? First the Void, now this... fuck, next time I might tell you I love you.
[Her voice was a tired murmur, content with Alina against her, and much more self-aware.]
God, we need to learn to communicate.
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[ a little defensive, but not as much as before. she lifts her head, stares over ianthe's shoulder at the rest of the town, at the light of day. ]
I think it was the same at Recumita. I don't ... I don't want to feel like I could be anyone. Or like I'm a thing you could use to satisfy Gilia. You said you want to be with me because it's me. That's ... That's all I want. I want to be able to tell that's true.
[ she leans her chin on ianthe's shoulder, hands dropping to her ribs, tracing the lines between each. ]
I want to be able to feel it.
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I thought you understood at Recumita it was just play, the degradation, but now I know that's not the kind of play you like. I won't do it again.
[Letting the braid go, she moved to an idly massage of Alina's nape, flesh fingers gently kneading.]
I get... caught up in my head sometimes and it gets hard to think of anything else. One of the things that makes me a great necromancer but it fucks with my personal life. I think that got the better of me that night.
Alina Starkov, there's no one like you.
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[ she mumbles it out, and frowns to realize that she's thinking of aleksander in the library. that she needs to figure out how to articulate the difference that the context made, and —
something else. her stomach flutters and twitches uncomfortably trying to find words for it. ]
I'll try to think on it. A way to say what ... what I do and don't want.
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[Ianthe knew both Alina and Gilia were submissive in bed, but they were very different kinds. Gilia was a people-pleaser that liked being used whereas Alina was more of a pillow queen that wanted worship. Maybe. It was hard to read, especially when the woman herself didn't seem to know.]
We're adults. We're fucking. We need to be able to talk about this. It's always okay to tell me no or stop. I think you know that but I needed to say it.
And if you want something or just want to tear my clothes off, go for it. I'll take the reigns, always, if you hand them to me.
(cw: light internalized ableism)
[ even as she says it, she's choosing to say this instead of "but what if i want you to tear MY clothes off?" ]
Everything feels like too much. Maybe you'll wake up one day and decide that it's not worth taking the reins when the horse is lame or sickly or something.
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[Wait. Ianthe took a breath and settled the thoughts that tried to drag her away from something she's thought about but should've said before now.]
Alina, you're worth more than the things that happened to you. You're worth more than what other people see in you to exploit. Even if you didn't have the gift of the sun, I would still want you. And frankly I don't give a fuck what other people think of you. Even that voice in the back of your head that's already starting to argue can go fuck itself.
Ask me for anything. Ask me for everything. And when it comes to sex, if you want me and you can't think of any other way to tell me that, just whisper in my ear "Take me." Cause that's hot as fuck, and I will.
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but then the rest comes. and alina's expression crumbles, softens. for a moment, there's a headiness about her gaze, which drops from ianthe's eyes to her lips. like she might kiss her again. might devour her again. might start it all over once more.
alina blinks through it with a deep breath. they're talking. they're adults. if they can fuck, they can have a conversation. ]
That. [ there's a breathy quality about her voice still. ] I like that.
[ it's tangled up in the details, but hearing that she is wanted, that ianthe would eagerly take her, in the same breath that ianthe demonstrates that she does understand alina, that she sees alina's insecurities and self-pity and intrusive thoughts and wants her despite that? it's addictive, even. ]
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A slow, controlled breath out, and Ianthe wet her lips, her arm tightening a fraction about Alina. Maybe Ianthe finally figured it out, how to phrase things the right way. It couldn't be absolutes for Alina when it came to battling her self-loathing, her learned deprecation - no 'was' or 'are', but 'more than'. It seemed that maybe, just maybe, she could accept being a single step above instead of being placed on the pedestal so many had her on. Ianthe didn't have her on a pedestal but that was only because she preferred her women to roll in the much with her. Most of the time. This was something Ianthe could work with. She finally found a foothold that made her feel like it could be better. It would be better.]
I mean it, Sunshine. Anytime. I might have to excuse myself depending on timing, but I will be there. I might even be dramatic about it.
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[ this smile is coyer, shyer. like this is not her libido talking, but something softer. admitting it feels foolish. ]
I like feeling like you think I'm worth the fuss. [ she falls back again on: ] Special.
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If you want dramatic, just wait until Resurrection Day. I was already planning to be dramatic. Cause I want you to feel special.
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[ but she laughs — a slightly awkward laugh, like she's trying to dismiss a lingering sentiment. ]
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Can we have an honest conversation about this?
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[ she looks at the hand, then back at ianthe's face. ]
cw: discussion of bone insertion, coercion
[She paused a moment, trying to find the right words.] I kind of feel like I pushed too far with them at the festival. I just want to see where you are with them.
(cw: oblique torture ref, light disability fetishizing, dubcon/coercion)
[ there's a lot there. she sits up a little straighter, pulling her skirt down and disentangling just enough to sit comfortably, then leaning back against ianthe again. ]
You're right that it's not exactly comfortable. [ but that hadn't stopped her from grinding herself pathetically on nikolai's shin, which had been just as bony and uncomfortable when she'd done it. ] But it's part of you. So I wouldn't say I mind it. I don't ... You don't have to change yourself like that. Or in any other way.
[ she doesn't come outright and name ianthe's cock, but the little fluster to her expression seems to invite it into the space between them all the same. ]
Sometimes and on some parts of me, the feeling is ... exciting? That doesn't sound terrible, does it? [ she frowns. ] I didn't mind them inside of me at the festival. It's not my favorite, but —
It was just ... everything that was going on. With Aleksander, and the way you were talking, and I didn't really feel like you wanted me to say no and ruin it either. Which would have been alright except I didn't really feel like you wanted me to want them. Does that even make sense? Like ... I felt like I could have been anyone.
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I think I understand. That night was a whole mess, thinking back on it. It was about you, about me wanting you, but I acknowledge that I handled it wrong. Had I known about Aleksander, I probably could've pulled myself out of my hyperfixation, because it was you, but at the very least, I would've done things differently.
[She reached up to lay the bone hand on Alina's cheek, thumb scraping lightly as she brushed it, just searching Alina's eyes for a moment. Then she quirked her lips.] I do like giving you my cock, though. It's great being inside you with it. I literally cannot describe the heaven you take me to when you cum all over it. I've had it for so long, it feels like a part of me, not just a theorem I put together to prove I could to my sister. [She raised an eyebrow.] Is the size good for you? I can make it bigger, thicker, smaller... A cock just for you.
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[ she laughs. it feels absurd, but it also feels silly to think it absurd when it's been inside of her more than once now. ]
I've yet to be unsatisfied by it. I can take bigger, but ... [ she shrugs. ] Saints, are we really having this conversation?
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[If she wanted to be a size queen or just try something out for the hell of it, Ianthe would do her best to provide.]
...except I can't make it ejaculate. It's a jizz-free zone.
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cw: circumcision
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cw: DP
still cw
still cw
(cw: dubcon refs, threesome talk)
cw: threesome talk, death threat
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Feels like a good end