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[sunmon]

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alina starkov, 20

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[sunmon]

Sorry.
I just don't really like the idea of sitting on anyone's face.
It seems an awful lot of effort to finish myself on someone else when I could just do it myself, alone, faster.

[princess_of_ida]

Wait. Have you not done that yet? Like, she's going to eat you out, Alina. You're not like grinding yourself on her face while she just passively sits there.

I'm confused.

[sunmon]

So am I. It's not "yet" if I'm not interested. Why are you trying so hard to convince me I should be?

[ she has that anxious feeling clawing its way up her throat now, telling her that it's some dissatisfaction with what they've done. but that doesn't make sense, when ianthe has no issue organizing something like this for gilia.

except that that's gilia, and she's alina, and those are two very different people. ]

[princess_of_ida]

I'm not. I just wanted to clarify. If you're not interested, you're not interested. I-
Nevermind. If you change your mind about the party, let me know.

[There goes one fantasy. Ianthe crossed facesitting off her Sex With Alina list.]

[sunmon]

Will you please explain why you're actingl like I did something wrong?

[princess_of_ida]

You haven't done anything wrong. This is on me. Sorry about that.
Sometimes I need to remind myself not everyone likes what I like.

[sunmon]

Did you interrogate Gilia about why she wanted this instead of wanting to do it to someone else?
Or is it because it's me?

[princess_of_ida]

I didn't ask her why she chose who she chose. I explained what this kind of party was, and said she could choose anyone she wanted except for a few specific people. A couple of her choices have been a surprise.

I just... didn't know face-sitting wasn't something you'd want to do. I'd been hoping at some point you'd sit on mine. That's all.

Didn't mean to make this weird. Like I said - it's on me. I'm going to go work up a sweat with my rapier. I'll talk to you later.

[sunmon]

Yes because that's much more productive than talking about things.
Whatever.
Enjoy your party.

Voice

[princess_of_ida]

[If that was a bait, Ianthe took it, switching to voice and starting to stalk across town to where she could feel Alina, rapier in hand.]

The fuck do you want from me? Huh? Yeah, I think face-sitting is hot. I like having a woman writhing on my face. Yeah, I wanted some day to pull you onto my face and get drenched by your cunt. Now I know you don't want that so I'm not going to do it..

So tell me what the fuck you want to talk about.

(cw: jealousy or at least it sounds like it)

[sunmon]

Does she want to sit on your face? Did you even ask?

[ it's petty and immature, she knows, to compare herself to gilia. but it's just impossible to not feel her body twisting into knots with the thought that somehow it's alright that gilia has no interest in that kind of role, but alina isn't worth the same. ]

[princess_of_ida]

She loved every moment of it when I pulled her onto my face. You want the details? You want to hear about how she collapsed into the bed, unable to hold herself up, and made me real glad I can hold my breath for so long?

[Ianthe growled under her breathe, squeezing the rapier tightly, and a villager darted out of her way.]

The fuck does her preferences matter anyway? She's not you. If you don't like it, that's fine. But help me understand why you don't like it, cause it feels really fucking shitty to find out you'd rather just rub one out by yourself than fuck me.

[That's not what she said, but it's what Ianthe took from it.]

[sunmon]

I never said that.

[ which is easier to litigate than to try to psycho-analyze her own sexual preferences. ]

[princess_of_ida]

You said you it was too much effort to finish with someone else when you can just get yourself off faster. How the fuck am I supposed to take that?

[She shoved aside the next person to not get out of her way in the road.]

When we fuck, it isn't about chasing an orgasm. I can do that with anybody. It's about being with you. So if fucking me means something to you beyond chasing an orgasm, help me understand what's going on, cause I'm gettig real close.

[sunmon]

How am I the bad guy for refusing your invitation to fuck somebody else?

[ it explodes out of her. she's not just speaking telepathically. she's shouting it, and it happens to telepathically carry. ]

I have never said that's all you are to me. Stop putting words in my mouth.

[princess_of_ida]

[It sucks to be on the other end of projection, doesn't it? Ianthe was close enough to hear both the verbal yell and the psychic one, jerking the door open and stalking inside. She wasn't even aware of where they actually were. If she has flesh on her hand it'd be white-knuckled on her rapier.

She too started yelling out loud.]

I don't fucking care that you turned down the invitation! I care that you either can't or won't explain to me what the problem with it is! Which makes me think the problem is me.

[sunmon]

The problem is that I'm not an accessory to your sex with someone else!

[ it bubbles out of her. ]

I don't want to have sex with Gilia. I don't want to sit on anyone's face. I don't want any of this, and you wouldn't stop questioning why, like there's something wrong with that, like that's something I have to do for you to want me.

[princess_of_ida]

YOU NEVER FUCKING SAID YOU DIDN'T WANT THAT.

[Ianthe stormed up to Alina and threw her rapier on the ground.]

If you'd just said that instead of being cagey about it, making it sound like it was the setting instead of the party itself, we wouldn't be here like this. The only thing you have to do to make me want you is to want me

[Her breathing was heavy, body tense. She was so angry, so frustrated, buzzing with too much adrenaline. She felt she was going to explode and didn't know if she was going to slap or kiss Alina. She tight like a spring about to snap.]

That's all.

[sunmon]

[ and there she is. alina doesn't even have the decency to feel embarrassed by the scene they're going to cause. she just bares her teeth, snapping right back — ]

You said you knew I wouldn't be interested. That was the first thing you said, but you still made me justify myself to you. So don't you dare blame me.

[princess_of_ida]

[She didn't stop until she was right in front if Alina.]

In response to your question! I thought it was because of everyone else involved. I had to make an attempt to change your mind. You said Gilia was wonderful. She wanted you there, so I--

[She balled her hands into fists at her side.]

How was I supposed to know what "the rest of it" meant? That's why I wanted to understand. You could have just fucking said you didn't want to fuck her. Not another question would've come from me.

I can't read your fucking mind.

[sunmon]

Oh, now I'm at fault because I expected my friend to understand my feelings. [ her voice ticks up with her eyebrows. ] My apologies. I'll stop having them. I can see they're very inconvenient for your orgy.

[princess_of_ida]

[She raised her hand up, like she wanted to strangle Alina. The hand shook but she didn't grab for her.]

For fuck's sake, communicate them to me. Don't make me read between the lines or guess, cause obviously I got this one fucking wrong.

Forget the fucking party, Alina. I'm trying here.

[sunmon]

[ she takes a deep breath. looks away. ianthe is right, of course. there's an effort here. she'd come back after they'd both tried to angrily shut down the conversation.

it's pettiness, really, that makes alina not want to be the most difficult part of this conversation, that makes her wrangle and swallow all her own immaturity. ]

Fine. I have never asked you to justify what you do and don't enjoy. No matter how many bones or how much blood was involved. I've never tried to change your mind. But you made me feel like I'm ... wrong, or asking too much, or — or that I have to do something I'm not interested in just to be worth being with.

[princess_of_ida]

[Ianthe finally let a small bit of tension out of her body, and she let her hand down to rest on Alina's shoulder. No grabbing, just there. She also stopped yelling.]

You can ask. In case you weren't sure. I don't want you to do something you don't want to do, but if I don't know... Alina, I'm sorry.

I thought it was inexperience. I've had to explain so much lately that I made a shitty assumption. Sometimes I'm pretty sure you enjoy something but you don't seem to like that you do. What do you want me to do in that situation?

(cw: dubcon refs & negotiation)

[sunmon]

[ she drops her gaze, uneasy, a sort of struggling press of her mouth that swallows something back. it's impossible not to think of aleksander, of the way he pressed her into the library desk, of the way he dragged her satisfaction out of her with an infuriating slowness that she would have never agreed to, but which left her boneless and satisfied in a way that she scarcely understood and certainly feared. ]

I don't know. [ she tugs on the braid hanging over her shoulder. ] I want you to know me well enough that the answer is to keep going. I don't want you to read my mind. I just want you to understand.