Do you think I kiss every Grisha girl that's kind to me? It'd cause quite the scandal.
( oh, he'd never been completely celibate; he was a man, one with all the usual needs. but age had made him cautious, especially when serving kings as spiteful as the current one.
it was all too easy to lose everything due to a capricious whim. )
No, and I would not ask you to. Her need is far greater at the moment.
I think you could probably tumble any Grisha you wanted, scandal or not.
[ it's an incidental escalation. from sharing a bedroom to a reminder that they'd kissed and now, here, from alina, talk of the sex that she'd been ready to have with him on the war room table.
and that was what had made her feel special. that of everyone, he'd pursued her, wanted her, painted her in his color like the possessive ass he'd confessed to being because he wanted to own her, control her, and she'd taken that for a compliment.
some squirming creature in her gut still does. she hates it. ]
Saint willing. [ a correction. her mouth quirks. ] Because the war will end when the Fold is destroyed, won't it? Our neighbors in Shu Han and Fjerda won't see us as vulnerable anymore. We won't be an easy target. We'll have a coast and supplies. We'll be a country again.
[ in other words, this newfound hope that war might not be eternal after all, it all rests on her shoulders. on her power, which is not strong enough to defeat him, let alone the fold. ]
I fear it will be some time before we are seen as anything other than vulnerable.
( it's easy to overlook the strategic advantages of a shadow-filled wasteland infested with flesh-eating monsters when balanced against the hunger, fear and devastation it has wrought upon ravka and its people. wisely, he doesn't mention any of that. )
But it will mean a great deal to the people, for Ravka to be made whole again.
A country that has been devastated as long as ours will need time to rebuild. To grow strong again. Time that neither Shu Han nor Fjerda will allow us.
Still, that is not to say that the Fold must stand. Only that removing it is only one step on a long journey toward peace.
if she didn't already know, she'd probably have missed that. elided it entirely to worry instead about her own future in this war—the extent to which the king would expect her to contribute to those war efforts, even after she had saved ravka from the fold; the extent to which any grisha could choose a retirement from this cause, or whether they were doomed to die in battle, tools of the crown just like the poor orphans of keramzin. ]
When you put it like that, it still sounds endless. Indefinite. I'd always thought of it that way, before. If bringing down the Fold doesn't end it ... I don't know that I can imagine what life would even look like, after.
You, and every other soldier that's ever served the Crown.
( a crown that willingly sacrifices the sons and daughters of the commonfolk, while they remain safe and comfortable, indulging in kvas and tea cakes. is it truly surprising that he'd be angry? )
Still, we fight because someone must. ( because they have no choice. ) In the hope that one day it will be enough.
[ she lets it slip out, that genuine indignation. the ravkan king is not close enough to call it treason, now. ]
You apologized for the wrong thing. You thought I was angry with you for wanting me to be yours. That's not it. It's wanting that to mean you can control me. It's the same as being a soldier, a Grisha. Someone else gets to decide what you do. And you do it because you have no other choice, nowhere else to go.
The tragic truth is that even with a choice, many would still fight for them. Ravka is as much our home as it's theirs. But many otkazat'sya only see our power and ignore the rest; however, that changed with you.
( a saint is beloved by all. at least until they grow tiresome. )
Regarding everything else, my tenure as General of the Second Army has been extensive, and regrettably, I've reached a point where I struggle to completely detach myself from that mindset.
[ for a different reason, of course. if genya is to be believed, he will be dead before that comes about. the end of the war will find his body cold and buried.
she wants to relish in that knowledge. instead it leaves her cold too. ]
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( oh, he'd never been completely celibate; he was a man, one with all the usual needs. but age had made him cautious, especially when serving kings as spiteful as the current one.
it was all too easy to lose everything due to a capricious whim. )
No, and I would not ask you to. Her need is far greater at the moment.
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[ it's an incidental escalation. from sharing a bedroom to a reminder that they'd kissed and now, here, from alina, talk of the sex that she'd been ready to have with him on the war room table.
and that was what had made her feel special. that of everyone, he'd pursued her, wanted her, painted her in his color like the possessive ass he'd confessed to being because he wanted to own her, control her, and she'd taken that for a compliment.
some squirming creature in her gut still does. she hates it. ]
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( smile in his voice, amused. )
Saints willing, I won't be fighting this war indefinitely. And such things really are more of a young man's game.
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[ in other words, this newfound hope that war might not be eternal after all, it all rests on her shoulders. on her power, which is not strong enough to defeat him, let alone the fold. ]
I need to be stronger.
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( it's easy to overlook the strategic advantages of a shadow-filled wasteland infested with flesh-eating monsters when balanced against the hunger, fear and devastation it has wrought upon ravka and its people. wisely, he doesn't mention any of that. )
But it will mean a great deal to the people, for Ravka to be made whole again.
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[ her voice is flatter now. the embellishment of her fiction drains out of it. ]
You don't think destroying the Fold will end the war.
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( simply. )
A country that has been devastated as long as ours will need time to rebuild. To grow strong again. Time that neither Shu Han nor Fjerda will allow us.
Still, that is not to say that the Fold must stand. Only that removing it is only one step on a long journey toward peace.
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but it might.
if she didn't already know, she'd probably have missed that. elided it entirely to worry instead about her own future in this war—the extent to which the king would expect her to contribute to those war efforts, even after she had saved ravka from the fold; the extent to which any grisha could choose a retirement from this cause, or whether they were doomed to die in battle, tools of the crown just like the poor orphans of keramzin. ]
When you put it like that, it still sounds endless. Indefinite. I'd always thought of it that way, before. If bringing down the Fold doesn't end it ... I don't know that I can imagine what life would even look like, after.
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( a crown that willingly sacrifices the sons and daughters of the commonfolk, while they remain safe and comfortable, indulging in kvas and tea cakes. is it truly surprising that he'd be angry? )
Still, we fight because someone must. ( because they have no choice. ) In the hope that one day it will be enough.
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[ she lets it slip out, that genuine indignation. the ravkan king is not close enough to call it treason, now. ]
You apologized for the wrong thing. You thought I was angry with you for wanting me to be yours. That's not it. It's wanting that to mean you can control me. It's the same as being a soldier, a Grisha. Someone else gets to decide what you do. And you do it because you have no other choice, nowhere else to go.
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( a saint is beloved by all. at least until they grow tiresome. )
Regarding everything else, my tenure as General of the Second Army has been extensive, and regrettably, I've reached a point where I struggle to completely detach myself from that mindset.
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I don't know, but I look forward to learning the answer.
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[ for a different reason, of course. if genya is to be believed, he will be dead before that comes about. the end of the war will find his body cold and buried.
she wants to relish in that knowledge. instead it leaves her cold too. ]