[Ianthe was glad Alina acknowledged that they were a part of her, which was why she didn't want to coat them in flesh. If someone wanted to be with her, they needed to want to be with HER. All of her. Bones included. She'd had such an argument with Coronabeth over her arm, having to justify why she didn't give it flesh and skin, and not having to do that with Alina was refreshing. Though, she did catch the reference to her cock. Well, that was another matter altogether.]
I think I understand. That night was a whole mess, thinking back on it. It was about you, about me wanting you, but I acknowledge that I handled it wrong. Had I known about Aleksander, I probably could've pulled myself out of my hyperfixation, because it was you, but at the very least, I would've done things differently.
[She reached up to lay the bone hand on Alina's cheek, thumb scraping lightly as she brushed it, just searching Alina's eyes for a moment. Then she quirked her lips.] I do like giving you my cock, though. It's great being inside you with it. I literally cannot describe the heaven you take me to when you cum all over it. I've had it for so long, it feels like a part of me, not just a theorem I put together to prove I could to my sister. [She raised an eyebrow.] Is the size good for you? I can make it bigger, thicker, smaller... A cock just for you.
Completely customizeable. It's the biggest perk of being with an animaphiliac. Especially one as good as me. Indulge a little, Sunshine. It's good for the soul.
[If she wanted to be a size queen or just try something out for the hell of it, Ianthe would do her best to provide.]
...except I can't make it ejaculate. It's a jizz-free zone.
I did actually want to ask you one thing, while we're talking about it. Why does it have that— [ she holds her thumb up to indicate, wraps the fingers of other hand around it. ] It's like some kind of covering.
[Ianthe's laughter died down to a chuckle. She tilted her head as she watched the hand gestures, trying to interpret them.]
Oh. That's just the foreskin. It's a normal part of the penis. Some cultures and religions cut it off a couple days after a boy is born. I'm not really sure why they do.
[Now it's Ianthe's turn for hand gestures down between them.]
Like, if you just stretch the skin down toward the base, it's basically the same thing as a cut cock. If you like it better that way, I can make mine that way. Personally, it makes no difference to me.
[ she settles back, looking out at the town and really putting thought towards it. it's such an open offer that alina feels like she ought to have something to offer for it, something that would make ianthe feel like alina had put consideration towards it, that made her feel like alina valued her power and what it offered. ]
What? [Ianthe would accept an indication that Alina would think about it or even that she'd let her know if something came up, but that sounded like Alina actually had a thought.] Go ahead. No judgement.
[There's a moment where Ianthe tilted her head, eyes drifting up and away from Alina, where they clearly unfocus as she worked through the idea and calculations. It wasn't an unfamiliar look, but perhaps the first time Alina had real context as to what it indicated.]
Hm.
[She sucked on her teeth and scrunched up her nose a little in concentration before exhaling with a slightly creased brow.]
It's possible. I'd have to work on it and they'd probably lose girth just for my own comfort. Are you looking for both in your cunt at the same time or one in cunt and one in your ass?
Both in—? [ she sounds like she's ready to call that absurd, but she gets hung up on it because ianthe is asking very seriously. the kind of serious that suggests yes, it is possible, and then alina's head is going down the course of how anatomy works and childbirth and her humor fades into uneasy bewilderment. ] I was thinking different, uh, places.
[Ianthe chose not to state that she's had two in her cunt before (though one was a toy) in the past. She really didn't think pointing out that some people want two anally, which even she wouldn't do. She also bit back the urge to point out that if Alina was interested in doing it, she needed to be able to say it. The fact that they were taking at all about this was worth letting it go, since she knew what she meant.]
It won't be as deep a fucking given angles and all unless I go real long but then I lose some control. And I won't be able to alternate penetration like if it was you, me, and say... Nikolai, for example.
[ there is the flutter in her chest to consider. the way her whole body warms at ianthe's assurance that this is for her and only her. that she finds alina worth experimenting, solving this equation.
it very nearly drowns out the bewilderment at ianthe invoking nikolai's name.
but only nearly. ]
I wouldn't ask you to do that. [ the words spill out of her mouth quickly. ] Saints. I know how you — And I just told you I didn't want to help you please Gilia. That would be terrible.
[ it would be terrible. and selfish. and now she is thinking about it for the first time because it honestly had not occurred to her before, even in all the times she had felt the push-and-pull between nikolai and aleksander. because that was a fact of aleksander, and how nikolai intervened to try and shelter her from him, and how aleksander intervened to try to ruin what she had with nikolai. her mind had entirely compartmentalized the notion. ]
[Ianthe was honestly confused about where this was coming from as it was a completely different scenario than the party. That confusion showed on her face as she turned it over in her head. She and Nikolai had trapped about this; they knew Alina would love a threesome if she was the focus of it, greedy thing that she was. The problem with the party had been the objectification. Right?]
Wait, wait. Take a breath. [She paused a second for that.] I think I understand, but listen to me. It was meant as an example, and I picked someone I get along with. Nikolai is a friend. And I believe that if I was invited to a threesome with your two that it was because you both wanted me there, for me, and not just as an accessory.
[Ianthe almost believed it herself when she said that. That tattoo around Alina's finger told her that Nikolai would always get chosen first. In a way she was just an accessory. It was very familiar territory for her. ]
I said you can ask me anything. Everything. And you can. Hell, I'd even consider one with Aleks--
No. Fuck that. I'd rip his soul out and shred it into a thousand tiny pieces if I saw him put his hands on you like that. Okay I do have a threesome line.
[ they have different ways of protecting her — ianthe and nikolai. he would throw himself on a pyre for her, but ianthe would sooner destroy the people who built it. neither is better than the other. in fact, it's probably better to have both. she'd needed someone on that stage with her, at lottie's party, just to survive. she'll also need someone as strong as ianthe if she wants to be able to fight him openly.
still. it's not relief that passes through alina's face when aleksander's name is invoked with violence. it reminds her that they will protect her, but alina is still weak, still letting herself slip into wanting his approval, wanting to feel again like she had at the little palace. chasing something impossible and letting him toy with her. she feels guilty for what she'd done with him at the library.
she's eager to bury that feeling. ]
I just don't want you to feel like you have to do something that will hurt you.
You forget, I'm very hard to hurt and I like pain.
[That wasn't the kind of hurt Alina meant, but Ianthe didn't like acknowledging the parts of her heart that weren't black.]
I'm not going to do something I don't want to do. As much as I'll say yes to you, I'll also say no. Because boundaries are important. Otherwise we'll destroy each other.
[Ianthe brushed help lips across Alina's.] And I'd rather we do that in the fun way.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I think I understand. That night was a whole mess, thinking back on it. It was about you, about me wanting you, but I acknowledge that I handled it wrong. Had I known about Aleksander, I probably could've pulled myself out of my hyperfixation, because it was you, but at the very least, I would've done things differently.
[She reached up to lay the bone hand on Alina's cheek, thumb scraping lightly as she brushed it, just searching Alina's eyes for a moment. Then she quirked her lips.] I do like giving you my cock, though. It's great being inside you with it. I literally cannot describe the heaven you take me to when you cum all over it. I've had it for so long, it feels like a part of me, not just a theorem I put together to prove I could to my sister. [She raised an eyebrow.] Is the size good for you? I can make it bigger, thicker, smaller... A cock just for you.
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[ she laughs. it feels absurd, but it also feels silly to think it absurd when it's been inside of her more than once now. ]
I've yet to be unsatisfied by it. I can take bigger, but ... [ she shrugs. ] Saints, are we really having this conversation?
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[If she wanted to be a size queen or just try something out for the hell of it, Ianthe would do her best to provide.]
...except I can't make it ejaculate. It's a jizz-free zone.
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Sorry, it's slang for cum. Jizz, spunk... there's a whole variety of words. Even 'man-butter'. Seriously, what guy calls his cum man-butter?
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[ she can barely fit this in between her aghast laughter. ]
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[Ianthe accepted no responsibility if the next time Nikolai came and man-butter pops into Alina's mind.]
Starting now.
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You're ridiculous.
[ but her laughter settles down. ]
I did actually want to ask you one thing, while we're talking about it. Why does it have that— [ she holds her thumb up to indicate, wraps the fingers of other hand around it. ] It's like some kind of covering.
cw: circumcision
Oh. That's just the foreskin. It's a normal part of the penis. Some cultures and religions cut it off a couple days after a boy is born. I'm not really sure why they do.
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[ weird. ]
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Like, if you just stretch the skin down toward the base, it's basically the same thing as a cut cock. If you like it better that way, I can make mine that way. Personally, it makes no difference to me.
Flesh is flesh.
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Any other questions about my cock or anything else I can do? If you can imagine it, I can probably do it. Or figure out how.
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Could you— [ she stops. ] No. Never mind.
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What about a second one?
cw: DP
Hm.
[She sucked on her teeth and scrunched up her nose a little in concentration before exhaling with a slightly creased brow.]
It's possible. I'd have to work on it and they'd probably lose girth just for my own comfort. Are you looking for both in your cunt at the same time or one in cunt and one in your ass?
still cw
Both in—? [ she sounds like she's ready to call that absurd, but she gets hung up on it because ianthe is asking very seriously. the kind of serious that suggests yes, it is possible, and then alina's head is going down the course of how anatomy works and childbirth and her humor fades into uneasy bewilderment. ] I was thinking different, uh, places.
still cw
It won't be as deep a fucking given angles and all unless I go real long but then I lose some control. And I won't be able to alternate penetration like if it was you, me, and say... Nikolai, for example.
But yeah, I can do that. For you. Just for you.
(cw: dubcon refs, threesome talk)
it very nearly drowns out the bewilderment at ianthe invoking nikolai's name.
but only nearly. ]
I wouldn't ask you to do that. [ the words spill out of her mouth quickly. ] Saints. I know how you — And I just told you I didn't want to help you please Gilia. That would be terrible.
[ it would be terrible. and selfish. and now she is thinking about it for the first time because it honestly had not occurred to her before, even in all the times she had felt the push-and-pull between nikolai and aleksander. because that was a fact of aleksander, and how nikolai intervened to try and shelter her from him, and how aleksander intervened to try to ruin what she had with nikolai. her mind had entirely compartmentalized the notion. ]
cw: threesome talk, death threat
Wait, wait. Take a breath. [She paused a second for that.] I think I understand, but listen to me. It was meant as an example, and I picked someone I get along with. Nikolai is a friend. And I believe that if I was invited to a threesome with your two that it was because you both wanted me there, for me, and not just as an accessory.
[Ianthe almost believed it herself when she said that. That tattoo around Alina's finger told her that Nikolai would always get chosen first. In a way she was just an accessory. It was very familiar territory for her. ]
I said you can ask me anything. Everything. And you can. Hell, I'd even consider one with Aleks--
No. Fuck that. I'd rip his soul out and shred it into a thousand tiny pieces if I saw him put his hands on you like that. Okay I do have a threesome line.
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still. it's not relief that passes through alina's face when aleksander's name is invoked with violence. it reminds her that they will protect her, but alina is still weak, still letting herself slip into wanting his approval, wanting to feel again like she had at the little palace. chasing something impossible and letting him toy with her. she feels guilty for what she'd done with him at the library.
she's eager to bury that feeling. ]
I just don't want you to feel like you have to do something that will hurt you.
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[That wasn't the kind of hurt Alina meant, but Ianthe didn't like acknowledging the parts of her heart that weren't black.]
I'm not going to do something I don't want to do. As much as I'll say yes to you, I'll also say no. Because boundaries are important. Otherwise we'll destroy each other.
[Ianthe brushed help lips across Alina's.] And I'd rather we do that in the fun way.
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[ she asks against ianthe's mouth, clinging to that closeness. ]
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[She gave Alina another kiss before murmuring,] Remember that phrase I gave you? Cause I'd love to hear it right now.
(no subject)
Feels like a good end