[ she hesitates, this time more out of confusion than anything. then, she gets to her feet and turns to the dresser. she opens the top drawer and fishes out the bracelet, the pendant. the latter is still caked in alina's blood. ]
I should have cleaned it. [ she says, as she hands it over. but she'd been clutching it so tightly when nikolai had found her, and then— she holds up her hand, shows the still-healing wound in her palm to ianthe, as if to explain the caked blood. ] I didn't think about it.
[Taking them back loosened something inside Ianthe that has been twisting tight. She immediately slid the bracelet back on before that wound was shown to her.
Impulsively, Ianthe caught that injured hand and pressed a kiss to the wound on Alina's palm. Then she busied herself clasping the pendant about her neck instead. She shouldn't have done that.]
[ the kiss is gentle, but brief. instantly ashamed. alina curls her hand as she withdraws it, like she's savoring that touch, or at least trying to decide how she feels about it. her own bracelet is there, hanging on her wrist still, if caught under the cuff of her sleeve.
she doesn't want to fight. it doesn't feel worth the energy. nothing does. but after enough silence, ] Why did you tell him?
[Ianthe's eyes had briefly fallen closed during that silence as she felt the protective magic of the pendant Nate had made settle back over her. Allowed her to know when it was the Void trying to fuck with her.]
I was scared. I didn't know what was going to happen, didn't know if I was far enough away. I threw a desperate plea with the last fragment of my mind at the only other person I knew that would drop whatever he was doing for you.
Didn't even know if it went through until like a week ago when he got upset I didn't tell him I was back.
[ scared, yes, people do things when they're scared. alina had said all sorts of things. done all sorts of things. things that make her sick and ashamed, too ashamed to touch them. but this is what she has latched onto. this loathsome piece of her that only ianthe had seen, that she had shared with the person for whom alina wanted so desperately to be perfect. ]
[Ianthe's brow furrowed in confusion. What was Alina taking about? She'd asked her not to tell anyone...]
The shadow ability?
[Her head tilted as dredged up what she'd thrown at Nikolai in that final moment. She wouldn't have. No, she definitely didn't.]
I didn't say anything about that to him. Or anyone. I promised you I wouldn't.
I told him that he needed to find you, that you hurt me, that I was going monster. I thought he was smart enough to know that no physical pain will make me transform.
If he said anything about the shadow magic, it didn't come from me.
(cw: refs to hallucinations, trauma impacting memory, light tooth gore)
had he said anything about shadow magic? or had she jumped to conclusions? she digs through her memory, but the tension of the moment has made it fuzzy. uncertain. she hadn't felt like herself. not from the moment she'd come unhinged during their training, if she's being entirely honest.
the uncertainty runs her blood cold, the same way seeing aleksander everywhere does. she cannot trust her own mind, hasn't been able to for some time. she had shouted at nikolai assuming he was aleksander. was it really that impossible that she had also assumed he'd been speaking about the shadows, and not merely the way she'd lashed out at ianthe?
she sinks down onto her bed. sits perched at the edge of it, her shoulders stiff. ]
I — ... I guess I don't know. [ and that's awful. something ripples through her expression before she deadens it. like gouging out the nerve of a tooth to stop the pain. and then, ] I didn't mean to hurt you.
[It was like watching Harrowhark insisting that Cytherea's body was hiding under her bed, haunting and stalking her, dragging Ianthe to confirm but then realize that there was no body. Or any of the other times she encountered examples that Harrow was seeing things, imagining them, convinced they were real.
The first time, she'd called Harrow 'crazycakes', brushing her anguish off as just a side effect of the fucking lobotomy, but the other times? It made Ianthe uncomfortable. She didn't know how to handle it, and by that time she'd developed actual feelings for her. She respected Harrow, and to see her so vulnerable had... made her run away. Leave Harrow to her own devices, her own torment, made her have to figure it out on her own.
Ianthe felt something crawling under her skin, that same discomfort that made her want to leave. Abandon Alina to her own demons, to make her battle them alone, because Ianthe didn't know what to do and wanted to protect herself. She wasn't sure she believed Alina that she hadn't meant it, the urge to snarl like a wounded animal was there.
Fuck, she really was an awful person. But she needed Alina. She told Iggy that she'd take Alina back.
...and she would, crazy and all. Ianthe lowered back to the floor, kneeling right by Alina, and carefully rest her arm on the other woman's leg. A point of contact. Something real, grounding maybe? Perhaps the only thing Ianthe had ever learned to aid Harrow.]
That doesn't make it okay. Actually ripping my heart out would've been kinder. So tell me what happened. I want to understand. Help me understand.
[ alina jumps a little at the contact. it's an anchor point. it should mean that this is real, that she is here, that she can trust her senses, but—
but she's touched aleksander, too. more intimately than this. and he wasn't real. ]
I don't think I can. I don't even understand myself. [ she stares at a fixed point on the floor. a knot in the wooden floors. ] I ... I remember feeling scared. Like it wasn't safe, like I couldn't trust you. Like I couldn't trust anyone, even myself. [ a long pause. ] I don't think I'm a good person to be around right now.
[Ianthe didn't move, didn't take the flinch personally. She stayed there, kneeling so Alina was positioned at a higher point to make herself less of a threat. She had been horrible to Harrowhark, taking it so much on her that she didn't deserve, because of their deal, the Chain, and she could get away with it.
She needed to do better for Alina. Somehow.]
All the more reason to have someone around. Good or not, you shouldn't be alone.
[Ianthe thought for a moment. Why would Alina feel so afraid, so unsafe, and accuse Ianthe of being just like-- Oh.]
Do you remember creating the shadow knife? Not how you did it or anything like that, just that it did happen? I only ask because you denied that it was from you, almost like you thought Aleksander had been hiding in the trees and he had been the one to produce it.
[ her throat feels dry. she folds her hands together, fingers curled like she is trying to shrink on herself or hold tight to something invisible. ]
It's called the Cut. [ this feels easier than touching the other matter. ] Enough concentrated shadow—or light—and it can become solid. Long enough to do the job, at least. [ slowly, ] I've never done it before. I had never done it before. But even if I could, I'm the sun summoner. It should be light. It should be my power, not ...
I—
[ she blinks fast, looks up at the ceiling. ]
I've been ... seeing him. Since the Void. I — [ she shakes her head. ] I tried to talk to Dr. House about it, but he couldn't help. And it feels so real.
[Underneath her concern, her discomfort, was the sharp satisfaction that what she had been trying to train Alina to do had been successful. The Cut was just the grisha term for the construct type Ianthe had tried working her toward. When the logic, the methodology, hadn't worked, she'd shifted to provoking an instinctive, emotional response as Alina lacked refinement and finesse.
But pointing that out to Alina was pointless in the face of what she revealed. Recognizing the vulnerability that came with telling her about these hallucinations, Ianthe shifted so she was on her knees right in front of Alina, both hands on her legs as she gently rubbed them. A reminder that she was there, that she was real.
Honestly, the fact that it was him, that it had started after the Void, made that uncomfortable itching under her skin go away. This was something she might be able to help with. It might be related to the amplifier. It might just be the Void. But it meant, in this moment, that Alina wasn't crazy. At least, no more crazy than Ianthe was.]
That sounds horrible. I can see why that would have you hanging on by a thread. [No one ever say Ianthe was incapable of empathy.] Since the Void... okay. Talk to me about them. Please. Describe them. I'm here. I want to help.
[And she would just... swallow down her own hurt. She was used to it.]
It's like the amplifier is poisoning me. He's everywhere. He just appears, and it's like he's really there with me. I can touch him, just like I can touch you right now. And he says things ... [ this is too intimate. she can't admit it to anyone else. the things that that aleksander said to her that lured her in. ] It's like he's making me like him.
[There was a long pause as Ianthe looked up at Alina before she bowed her head, hands stilling.]
That he's the only one that understands you. That everything he's doing is for you and the future you'll build together. That together you are unstoppable, destined to be together. Two halves of a whole. That he's the only one that sees your radiance, and no one will appreciate you like him.
That everyone else wants to tear you down, see only your weakness. That he's the only one that loves you. That everything he did was to make you stronger, so you could stand next to him.
[ slowly, she lowers her hands. she studies ianthe for a moment, trying to figure out what's going on here. if ianthe is reading her mind, but—
no. it's too different. but in small ways, like the void life had been. just left of accurate. uncanny. ]
Close enough.
[ but no. it wouldn't feel real if he said those things. in fact, the affection and overtures that he gives her is already too much to feel real, and it's not half as fervent as what ianthe describes. but for ravka. their connection. ]
[She didn't respond right away, knew that what she'd said was just a modified summary. Ianthe had no idea what a false Aleksander would say. Alina never told her what all happened between them, what he really did to her. She's been pulling from context, from things Nikolai has said, from her own knowledge of what people like him were... what things she, herself, could do if this were different.
Her hands shook as she lifted them before immediately dropping them back down to Alina's legs. It felt like something was trying to crawl out of her throat, to stop her from doing what she decided was necessary. It might not help, it might not work, but it was something.
Fear. That's what it was trying to strangle her, to paralyze her decision. She'd just got it back. But right now, Alina needed it more than she did.
Golden phalanges tapped briefly against Alina's leg before Ianthe swiftly took off her pendant and reached up to clasp it about Alina's neck. Ripping the protective cloak of its magic from herself to drape about Alina. Maybe she'd even feel the sensation as it settled.]
It's magic. I don't know if it will help you, but it helped me.
[ despite this, alina lifts her hand, touches the pendant around her neck. it hangs just between the angles of protruding bone, framed by them. it feels good, to have ianthe there, protecting her. but it doesn't feel right. ]
[ she touches her hand to the pendant gently. honestly, she'd not given it two thoughts. she'd been so frustrated by her sense that ianthe had betrayed her, and the other item was purely sentimental in its value, that she hadn't considered trying to get the accessories back to ianthe. she saw no practical necessity for addressing that.
now she feels a little like a monster, for just letting it sit there unused in her drawer, out of sight so she didn't have to think about it, while ianthe suffered from its absence. ]
[She dropped her gaze to look at the pendant instead of Alina's eyes. Her skin itched again, the impulse to tear it off was there, bone hand reaching over to dig phalanges into the space between ulna and radius.
Fuck it. If she was going to go here, she was going to go here.]
The drinking was because I didn't want to feel the pain of your... fear, anger, whatever it was. It really did feel like you ripped my heart out when you accused me of being just like him. I am a bad person. I know what I am. I do terrible things, but not to you. Not intentionally. Because I l--
[She caught herself before it came out of her mouth, a sensation in the middle of her chest that she was going to explode.]
I thought I mattered. That I'd shown you that I'm not like him, even with all my sharp edges that still somehow cut you. That maybe we were figuring out how to make it work with Nikolai. I've given you pieces of me no one else here has, and you threw all that in my face.
[Her vision turned watery, blurring her view of the pendant.]
I know now that there were... extenuating circumstances, but it hurt. A lot. So I drank to not feel that. To not feel anything. To not hear her voice beckoning me. To not feel you.
[The two of them were tied together because of the amplifier. Some days, that necromantic connection had been too much.]
cw: mental illness, some minor internalized ableism and self-loathing, abuse
[ it's hard not to take ianthe's pain as affirmation of all the worst things she believes about herself. impossible, really. she had never conceived of ianthe as someone who was fragile, someone that alina could fracture at all. she was more capable, harder, darker. ianthe was the whetstone that sharpened others and never lost its hardness.
yet alina had managed it.
she tries to look back, to find holes that absolve her of this. that reimagine ianthe as especially sensitive or revisionist. something awful that ianthe had done that she was overlooking, but there's nothing. for all that ianthe's candor could be abrasive, her behavior had only ever been supportive.
alina just doesn't want to be the monster. that's all. she doesn't want to be right about becoming aleksander, becoming so very similar that she manages to even ruin ianthe of all people. ]
I'm sorry. It's not you. It's nothing you did. It's — [ she shakes her head. ] I don't know. I didn't see it in him. I keep looking for it in everyone else, so it doesn't happen again. Not that it's helped.
[ nikolai had still lied to her, hadn't he? she'd allowed it. she'd wanted the peace of pretending. ]
You matter. I'm just ... [ she bites down on her lower lip. ] I don't think I'm cut out for this, anymore.
[Ianthe was silent for a long moment as she turned over the moment. It felt like they were on a precipice of something that was both beautiful and horrific. Trauma was a hell of a thing to navigate, required so much patience, and thick skin. Could she withstand it... just take the abuse and suspicion that would stem from that trauma? Was it possible for Alina to bleed her dry when she emotionally ripped into her?
Was she worth it? There was that question again. Some would say with as often as it passed through her mind that the answer should be obvious. Everyone had a limit, right?]
I'm not going anywhere.
[This wasn't it. Pain was transitive. Temporary. People always hurt the ones they love the most. Alina didn't love her, but maybe some day she would. If for but a moment.
Ianthe slid her arms around Alina's waist, nudging her body between legs so she could get close as she looked up at Alina.]
I said I'd be here. I meant it. Trauma is a complex beast. I forgive you. I'm here for you. I missed you, even though it hurt. We can figure this out. Together.
[ alina spreads her thighs, makes room for ianthe between them, melts in her efforts at sustaining distance because she cannot help but yearn for that kind of comfort and relief, for that affirmation and support. her arms settle around ianthe. her chin rests on the crown of ianthe's head.
she's quiet, trying to turn over the likelihood that ianthe is right. that she can be here for alina, that they can figure it out together, that alina even knows what that would look like. ]
Do you think Genya ran? [ she'd presumed it was aleksander, all this time. but now ... ]
[It was only then, when Alina accepted and settled about her, that a tear escaped Ianthe's control to drip onto her cheek. She sighed in relief, fingers curling in to hold tight to the moment.
It did make the question a little jarring. Ianthe hadn't thought of Genya since Alina told her the woman had disappeared. Aside from being an example of Aleksander's cruelty and a good seamstress, the woman had been rather dull.]
I don't know. The one time I asked her to meet with me, she never showed. I assumed she just disappeared like so many others have.
Unless there's context to that question I'm not aware of.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I should have cleaned it. [ she says, as she hands it over. but she'd been clutching it so tightly when nikolai had found her, and then— she holds up her hand, shows the still-healing wound in her palm to ianthe, as if to explain the caked blood. ] I didn't think about it.
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Impulsively, Ianthe caught that injured hand and pressed a kiss to the wound on Alina's palm. Then she busied herself clasping the pendant about her neck instead. She shouldn't have done that.]
It's ok. It was made using blood. I don't mind.
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she doesn't want to fight. it doesn't feel worth the energy. nothing does. but after enough silence, ] Why did you tell him?
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I was scared. I didn't know what was going to happen, didn't know if I was far enough away. I threw a desperate plea with the last fragment of my mind at the only other person I knew that would drop whatever he was doing for you.
Didn't even know if it went through until like a week ago when he got upset I didn't tell him I was back.
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[ scared, yes, people do things when they're scared. alina had said all sorts of things. done all sorts of things. things that make her sick and ashamed, too ashamed to touch them. but this is what she has latched onto. this loathsome piece of her that only ianthe had seen, that she had shared with the person for whom alina wanted so desperately to be perfect. ]
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The shadow ability?
[Her head tilted as dredged up what she'd thrown at Nikolai in that final moment. She wouldn't have. No, she definitely didn't.]
I didn't say anything about that to him. Or anyone. I promised you I wouldn't.
I told him that he needed to find you, that you hurt me, that I was going monster. I thought he was smart enough to know that no physical pain will make me transform.
If he said anything about the shadow magic, it didn't come from me.
(cw: refs to hallucinations, trauma impacting memory, light tooth gore)
confused.
had he said anything about shadow magic? or had she jumped to conclusions? she digs through her memory, but the tension of the moment has made it fuzzy. uncertain. she hadn't felt like herself. not from the moment she'd come unhinged during their training, if she's being entirely honest.
the uncertainty runs her blood cold, the same way seeing aleksander everywhere does. she cannot trust her own mind, hasn't been able to for some time. she had shouted at nikolai assuming he was aleksander. was it really that impossible that she had also assumed he'd been speaking about the shadows, and not merely the way she'd lashed out at ianthe?
she sinks down onto her bed. sits perched at the edge of it, her shoulders stiff. ]
I — ... I guess I don't know. [ and that's awful. something ripples through her expression before she deadens it. like gouging out the nerve of a tooth to stop the pain. and then, ] I didn't mean to hurt you.
cw: mental illness, hallucinations, ableism, ipv
The first time, she'd called Harrow 'crazycakes', brushing her anguish off as just a side effect of the fucking lobotomy, but the other times? It made Ianthe uncomfortable. She didn't know how to handle it, and by that time she'd developed actual feelings for her. She respected Harrow, and to see her so vulnerable had... made her run away. Leave Harrow to her own devices, her own torment, made her have to figure it out on her own.
Ianthe felt something crawling under her skin, that same discomfort that made her want to leave. Abandon Alina to her own demons, to make her battle them alone, because Ianthe didn't know what to do and wanted to protect herself. She wasn't sure she believed Alina that she hadn't meant it, the urge to snarl like a wounded animal was there.
Fuck, she really was an awful person. But she needed Alina. She told Iggy that she'd take Alina back.
...and she would, crazy and all. Ianthe lowered back to the floor, kneeling right by Alina, and carefully rest her arm on the other woman's leg. A point of contact. Something real, grounding maybe? Perhaps the only thing Ianthe had ever learned to aid Harrow.]
That doesn't make it okay. Actually ripping my heart out would've been kinder. So tell me what happened. I want to understand. Help me understand.
ongoing ->
but she's touched aleksander, too. more intimately than this. and he wasn't real. ]
I don't think I can. I don't even understand myself. [ she stares at a fixed point on the floor. a knot in the wooden floors. ] I ... I remember feeling scared. Like it wasn't safe, like I couldn't trust you. Like I couldn't trust anyone, even myself. [ a long pause. ] I don't think I'm a good person to be around right now.
ongoing ->
She needed to do better for Alina. Somehow.]
All the more reason to have someone around. Good or not, you shouldn't be alone.
[Ianthe thought for a moment. Why would Alina feel so afraid, so unsafe, and accuse Ianthe of being just like-- Oh.]
Do you remember creating the shadow knife? Not how you did it or anything like that, just that it did happen? I only ask because you denied that it was from you, almost like you thought Aleksander had been hiding in the trees and he had been the one to produce it.
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[ her throat feels dry. she folds her hands together, fingers curled like she is trying to shrink on herself or hold tight to something invisible. ]
It's called the Cut. [ this feels easier than touching the other matter. ] Enough concentrated shadow—or light—and it can become solid. Long enough to do the job, at least. [ slowly, ] I've never done it before. I had never done it before. But even if I could, I'm the sun summoner. It should be light. It should be my power, not ...
I—
[ she blinks fast, looks up at the ceiling. ]
I've been ... seeing him. Since the Void. I — [ she shakes her head. ] I tried to talk to Dr. House about it, but he couldn't help. And it feels so real.
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But pointing that out to Alina was pointless in the face of what she revealed. Recognizing the vulnerability that came with telling her about these hallucinations, Ianthe shifted so she was on her knees right in front of Alina, both hands on her legs as she gently rubbed them. A reminder that she was there, that she was real.
Honestly, the fact that it was him, that it had started after the Void, made that uncomfortable itching under her skin go away. This was something she might be able to help with. It might be related to the amplifier. It might just be the Void. But it meant, in this moment, that Alina wasn't crazy. At least, no more crazy than Ianthe was.]
That sounds horrible. I can see why that would have you hanging on by a thread. [No one ever say Ianthe was incapable of empathy.] Since the Void... okay. Talk to me about them. Please. Describe them. I'm here. I want to help.
[And she would just... swallow down her own hurt. She was used to it.]
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[ she reaches up, rubs her hands over her face. ]
It's like the amplifier is poisoning me. He's everywhere. He just appears, and it's like he's really there with me. I can touch him, just like I can touch you right now. And he says things ... [ this is too intimate. she can't admit it to anyone else. the things that that aleksander said to her that lured her in. ] It's like he's making me like him.
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That he's the only one that understands you. That everything he's doing is for you and the future you'll build together. That together you are unstoppable, destined to be together. Two halves of a whole. That he's the only one that sees your radiance, and no one will appreciate you like him.
That everyone else wants to tear you down, see only your weakness. That he's the only one that loves you. That everything he did was to make you stronger, so you could stand next to him.
Something like that?
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no. it's too different. but in small ways, like the void life had been. just left of accurate. uncanny. ]
Close enough.
[ but no. it wouldn't feel real if he said those things. in fact, the affection and overtures that he gives her is already too much to feel real, and it's not half as fervent as what ianthe describes. but for ravka. their connection. ]
How did you ...?
cw: ref to abuse, anxiety
Her hands shook as she lifted them before immediately dropping them back down to Alina's legs. It felt like something was trying to crawl out of her throat, to stop her from doing what she decided was necessary. It might not help, it might not work, but it was something.
Fear. That's what it was trying to strangle her, to paralyze her decision. She'd just got it back. But right now, Alina needed it more than she did.
Golden phalanges tapped briefly against Alina's leg before Ianthe swiftly took off her pendant and reached up to clasp it about Alina's neck. Ripping the protective cloak of its magic from herself to drape about Alina. Maybe she'd even feel the sensation as it settled.]
It's magic. I don't know if it will help you, but it helped me.
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[ despite this, alina lifts her hand, touches the pendant around her neck. it hangs just between the angles of protruding bone, framed by them. it feels good, to have ianthe there, protecting her. but it doesn't feel right. ]
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[Ianthe drew the dried blood from the pendant, from the yellow stone embedded in the inverted trident, so it was pristine.]
It doesn't stop it. Doesn't block it... but it allows me to recognize it's not real, that is just a lure.
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[ she touches her hand to the pendant gently. honestly, she'd not given it two thoughts. she'd been so frustrated by her sense that ianthe had betrayed her, and the other item was purely sentimental in its value, that she hadn't considered trying to get the accessories back to ianthe. she saw no practical necessity for addressing that.
now she feels a little like a monster, for just letting it sit there unused in her drawer, out of sight so she didn't have to think about it, while ianthe suffered from its absence. ]
cw: self harm, alcohol abuse, emotional abuse
[She dropped her gaze to look at the pendant instead of Alina's eyes. Her skin itched again, the impulse to tear it off was there, bone hand reaching over to dig phalanges into the space between ulna and radius.
Fuck it. If she was going to go here, she was going to go here.]
The drinking was because I didn't want to feel the pain of your... fear, anger, whatever it was. It really did feel like you ripped my heart out when you accused me of being just like him. I am a bad person. I know what I am. I do terrible things, but not to you. Not intentionally. Because I l--
[She caught herself before it came out of her mouth, a sensation in the middle of her chest that she was going to explode.]
I thought I mattered. That I'd shown you that I'm not like him, even with all my sharp edges that still somehow cut you. That maybe we were figuring out how to make it work with Nikolai. I've given you pieces of me no one else here has, and you threw all that in my face.
[Her vision turned watery, blurring her view of the pendant.]
I know now that there were... extenuating circumstances, but it hurt. A lot. So I drank to not feel that. To not feel anything. To not hear her voice beckoning me. To not feel you.
[The two of them were tied together because of the amplifier. Some days, that necromantic connection had been too much.]
cw: mental illness, some minor internalized ableism and self-loathing, abuse
yet alina had managed it.
she tries to look back, to find holes that absolve her of this. that reimagine ianthe as especially sensitive or revisionist. something awful that ianthe had done that she was overlooking, but there's nothing. for all that ianthe's candor could be abrasive, her behavior had only ever been supportive.
alina just doesn't want to be the monster. that's all. she doesn't want to be right about becoming aleksander, becoming so very similar that she manages to even ruin ianthe of all people. ]
I'm sorry. It's not you. It's nothing you did. It's — [ she shakes her head. ] I don't know. I didn't see it in him. I keep looking for it in everyone else, so it doesn't happen again. Not that it's helped.
[ nikolai had still lied to her, hadn't he? she'd allowed it. she'd wanted the peace of pretending. ]
You matter. I'm just ... [ she bites down on her lower lip. ] I don't think I'm cut out for this, anymore.
cw: trauma, abuse, codependency
Was she worth it? There was that question again. Some would say with as often as it passed through her mind that the answer should be obvious. Everyone had a limit, right?]
I'm not going anywhere.
[This wasn't it. Pain was transitive. Temporary. People always hurt the ones they love the most. Alina didn't love her, but maybe some day she would. If for but a moment.
Ianthe slid her arms around Alina's waist, nudging her body between legs so she could get close as she looked up at Alina.]
I said I'd be here. I meant it. Trauma is a complex beast. I forgive you. I'm here for you. I missed you, even though it hurt. We can figure this out. Together.
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she's quiet, trying to turn over the likelihood that ianthe is right. that she can be here for alina, that they can figure it out together, that alina even knows what that would look like. ]
Do you think Genya ran? [ she'd presumed it was aleksander, all this time. but now ... ]
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It did make the question a little jarring. Ianthe hadn't thought of Genya since Alina told her the woman had disappeared. Aside from being an example of Aleksander's cruelty and a good seamstress, the woman had been rather dull.]
I don't know. The one time I asked her to meet with me, she never showed. I assumed she just disappeared like so many others have.
Unless there's context to that question I'm not aware of.
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[ her grip is tight, firm. not quite clinging, but steady. ]
Just like I ruined it with Mal. [ she shuts her eyes. ] I'm not easy to be here for. Anyone who isn't a liar seems to give up.
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