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[sunmon]

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alina starkov, 20

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[princess_of_ida]

This is why any necromancer of significant talent wards the fuck out of their home. The easiest way to take out an adept is when they're asleep.

I need to redo them.

[No, she doesn't. That's just paranoia talking.]

[sunmon]

Didn't you just refresh them?

[princess_of_ida]

Yeah, but...
But

I don't know what to do with this feeling. What am I supposed to do?

[sunmon]

I wish I had an answer.
I tried killing the person who made me feel this way.
That didn't help, in case you were considering it.

[princess_of_ida]

I'm not. I believe it was an accident. But I do want to hurt someone.

[A growl resonated on those words over the connection.]

[sunmon]

Well, there are probably enough masochists around here that you don't need to look far to find a volunteer. And they wouldn't want you bottling up the urge either.

[princess_of_ida]

Problem is I don't trust myself right now to stop. I'm not toothy yet. I can wait another day. Probably.

[sunmon]

Bring someone who can stop you, then.

[ she won't presume that's her. in fact, she doubts it is. ]

[princess_of_ida]

I'm not bothering John. He doesn't need to know. Fuck, I miss Kiriona. She could always wrangle me when I was like this. I could try Dez, make it a fight.

Sorry, Sunshine. Shouldn't be bothering you with this shit. Check on me tomorrow?

[sunmon]

John told me he's struggling with his monster too. Maybe you two could help each other.

[princess_of_ida]

Maybe. I'll think about it. I'll at least call him. If I haven't dealt with this by tomorrow, you have permission to yell at me.

Oh, hey, if we ever have to deal with this sleeping nightmare shit again, our anything like it, you're allowed to wake me however necessary. I don't want be vulnerable like that again.

[sunmon]

I would have.
I will.
I swear.
And you don't have to apologize for talking to me about these things. I'm your friend. If you can't talk to me about this, what's the point?

[princess_of_ida]

I know but I didn't mean to- No, that's not right.
I can still be sorry that I caused you think about that feeling.
Thank you.

If it happens again, is it okay if I help you?

[sunmon]

I don't really want to think about it happening again, if I'm honest.

[princess_of_ida]

[That would be a no then. She should've known better than to ask.]

Alright. I hope it doesn't.

[sunmon]

Thank you.
For looking out for me.
I wish I'd been able to do the same for you.

[princess_of_ida]

Always. If I'm able.

You're here for me now. That's important. Closest I've ever felt to this was when I lost my arm. Fucking nightmares took me there over and over and over.

[sunmon]

How did you lose it?
If it's not too painful to talk about.
I realize this may not be the best distraction.

[princess_of_ida]

No actually I think it will as that's a clear safe place to send this nasty violent urge, cause fuck that bitch.

Cytherea Loveday - my elder lyctoral 'sister'. She infiltrated Canaan House pretending to be the Scion of the Seventh House and sabotaged our collective attempts to achieve Lyctorhood, trying to draw God back home. Killed most of us before I ascended, taking out those she thought to be threats to her plan.

After I ascended, I immediately knew I wasn't the worst thing in that fucking place. And then the remaining idiots poked the ancient lyctor and started a fight with her. A necromancer, even a House Scion, against a lyctor is laughable. They all knew that after watching me wipe the floor with the Eighth and yet...

They were getting their asses kicked and I realized that the bitch couldn't detect me. So I jumped into the fight with the element of surprise. Told her to pick on someone her own size.

I was a little power drunk and riding high on thanergy.

[sunmon]

You lost your arm to save them?

[ ianthe ... you softie ... ]

[princess_of_ida]

[Shut up.]

I lost my arm because I bit off more than I could chew. I was riding high on power. Gave her a hell of a fucking fight but blew my load too soon. She'd been a lyctor for ten thousand years. I'd been one for like twenty minutes.

She pinned me down, cut my swordarm off, and siphoned a large amount of my thalergy. For all our power, we can't regenerate severed limbs. Promised me she'd be back after killing the others to cut off the rest of my limbs and use me as a battery. That's the part I had nightmares about.

[sunmon]

She's still out there?

[princess_of_ida]

No, thank fuck. Harrow ascended to lyctorhood under duress and finished her off while she was still recovering from the fight with me.

I had to attend her fucking funeral, Alina. I had to live on the space station where she was buried and honored. Traitorous fucking bitch.

[sunmon]

Why would they honor a traitor?

[princess_of_ida]

Because she served faithfully for a myriad, and it was never confirmed she was working with Blood of Eden.

But mostly because John sucks and couldn't fathom any of his precious lyctors betraying him. As if he hadn't lied to them their entire lives. He had this whole divine family dynamic going on with them. It's fucked up, and that's something coming from me. Tried to pull me and Harrow into it, but I already have a disappointing father.

Shit, don't let him or anyone know I told you this. I'd like to not get exploded.