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[sunmon]

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alina starkov, 20

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[princess_of_ida]

You can understand how it's not the easiest thing to do, to talk with you about the other half of my relationship coin, right? Like you talking to me about Nikolai. Sometimes its very natural, and sometimes it feels weird.

But you can. Maybe we should. I dunno. This is unprecedented for me.

(cw: dubcon refs)

[sunmon]

[ her thoughts are a mess.

that she'd rather hear about it from ianthe than from running into gilia near her room, when ianthe had said she didn't want to see anyone.

that she'd rather not feel like she has ruined one kind of closeness with another, made as fraught as her every other relationship.

that she doesn't want to be rent by jealousy, and that it will only change if she learns to grow used to the idea that she doesn't own everyone she touches.

that she needs to talk to someone about this because she feels as alone as she had at the little palace, writing letters to mal that he never answered. ]

It's all unprecedented for me.
I'd never been with anyone like this before coming here.
Aleksander was the first.

[ and it was a lie to protect herself. to protect genya and nikolai. something else that she'd given up to be the sun summoner. she rubs at her face. ]

Sorry. I think I'm just in a mood.
Can we start over?

[princess_of_ida]

Yeah, Sunshine, we can. I kind of want to talk about Aleksander now that you brought him up, but we can start over.

You can ask me anything. Just because I don't talk about something doesn't mean I won't.

[sunmon]

Tell me how your gills are going.

[princess_of_ida]

[Ask for the nerd, get the nerd.]

I think I have the structure finally tuned in correctly. Only an animaphiliac could do something like this - much like my cock.

The hard part has been figuring out to oxygenate the blood enough to sustain a human. The basic principle is that the water runs over capillaries in the gills and oxygen travels from the water into the bloodstream through diffusion. But fish are very small so the amount gathered through diffusion is miniscule compared to a human.

On a human, gills take up most of the sides of the neck and the capillary... let's call it a net needs to be expansive to allow for maximum surface area. More oxygen into the bloodstream at once. It's still an inefficient process so to compensate, heart rate needs to increase to pump more blood to the brain.

I'm not sure I have that part right yet. This is why I have to do self-testing. I can survive accidentally sending myself into cardiac arrest.

[sunmon]

Are you sure it's a good idea?
Being so cavalier about dying all the time.
Surely it has SOME effect on you.

[princess_of_ida]

Sometimes it's the only peace I get. Those few seconds.

Cavalier isn't the right word. I'm desensitized to it. The amount of killing blows I've taken at Antioch, fighting with rapier in one hand and necromancy in the other, alongside our soldiers against abominations, never falling though any of them would have, being a beacon or morale and inspiration...

Blessed Saint, lead us into battle knowing that the Lord of the Nine Renewals lends us His Hand to smite our enemies.

I've lost track of it all. I don't think I'll go into cardiac arrest. I really don't. But if I do, I've got you with me.

[sunmon]

Well, I'm not desensitized to it.

cw: suicide

[princess_of_ida]

I will try not to die in your presence. In general, I try not to die, despite any evidence to the contrary. I stopped flatlining years ago.

Did they teach you how to resuscitate someone when you were in the army?

[sunmon]

I wasn't a medic.

[ and they weren't well-trained, ravkan soldiers. a resource to be expended, not cultivated. ]

[princess_of_ida]

Do you want to learn?

We call it CPR. It's for when someone stops breathing or their heart stops. It's no substitute for medical attention, but it can get someone back up long enough to get them to medical or necromantic aid.

[sunmon]

Like when someone drowns?

[princess_of_ida]

Yeah. Or if someone gets electrocuted, hit real hard in the chest that it disrupts the heartbeat. There's a lot of potential reasons, especially here where violence is encouraged.

[sunmon]

I guess it can't hurt to learn.

[princess_of_ida]

I'll put a practice dummy together out of Viola - one of my skeletons.

Hey, are you doing anything for Resurrection Day?
Wait, that's a stupid question. It's a Nine Houses holiday.

[sunmon]

Is it this time of year?
We can celebrate, if you want. You'll just have to teach me how.
As long as there's no eating people involved.

[princess_of_ida]

Toward the end of next month, if I'm right, as this place seems to follow a First House calendar. It's a celebration of the Great Resurrection. The Third hosts the best RD party, there's a huge waiting list to be invited.

It's mostly a secular holiday outside of the Eighth. For spend time with family and loved ones, exchange gifts, a reminder that this was why the Lord of the Nine Renewals brought humanity back. That last part loses its shine once you know God, but the rest is important.

I want to take you out for Resurrection Day. Like a real date. Fancy dinner - no human meat involved - you in your kefta. Then back to my place for drink and gifts. I know it's like a month out, but I wanted to ask you before someone else does.

[sunmon]

[ it feels serious, this staking of a claim. alina wonders if she shouldn't speak to nikolai about it. if she shouldn't remind ianthe that she has agreed to marry him, not just for ravka, but for herself. that he is an anchor point for her that keeps her oriented, reminds her that there is something good in her still, and that she can't let that go.

but she doesn't want to do that. not really. it might mean losing this thing she has with ianthe. she depends too wholly on ianthe's affection to be generous enough to sacrifice it. ]

I'd like that.
I appreciate the warning, in fact. It'll give me a chance to find a suitable gift.
In Ravka, we celebrate the Feast of Saint Nikolai this time of year. But it's just feasting. We don't exchange gifts or anything.

[princess_of_ida]

[Thankfully, due to an ill-advised drunken conversation, Nikolai knew exactly what Ianthe felt when it cane to Alina. He had every opportunity to tell her about the marriage, to establish boundaries wren it came to Alina, but he didn't. In fact, he encouraged a threesome, helped drown their mutual frustration about Alina in each other.

Still, Ianthe knew she was the outsider. That she only got Alina for what limited time she had. It twisted her up inside, but it was a sensation she was used to. Her whole life, watching the people she wanted wanting someone else. But she remained, swallowed it down, and took what she could.

Like this date. She had plans for it. And yet, she was so surprised Alina said yes.]

Really? Thank fuck.

What did Saint Nikolai do?

[sunmon]

Sankt Nikolai sailed the Bone Road, a dark and frozen stretch of the True Sea, and when his ship became trapped (as they often do), he found some sort of magical forest in all the ice that allowed him to feed his crew.

He has this magical sack that's always full of food. I think he found it in the wood? Or maybe brought it with him. I don't remember.

Anyway, when the voyage was ended, he brought it around Ravka, feeding the hungry by sharing a feast with them from inside of it.

[princess_of_ida]

That's one hell of a sack.

Does anyone know why he sailed the Bone Road in the first place?

[sunmon]

I'm sure it's in the Istorii Sankt'ya, but I never read it closely enough to say.

[princess_of_ida]

Is that your religious text? With prayers and stuff.

[sunmon]

A version for teaching children.

[princess_of_ida]

Ah, more stories than prayers and such. We you all made to read it, in the orphanage? Like how compulsive is religion in Ravka.