@rubilykskoye inbox

[sunmon]

● ○ ○ ○

○ ● ○ ○

○ ○ ● ○

○ ○ ○ ●

alina starkov, 20

ABOUT_YOU

CODE BY

Comments

[princess_of_ida]

Oh, not here. Like almost 2 years ago. The first time I entered the River.

Technically it wasn't drowning since it wasn't real water and I could breathe just fine, but my brain had no point of reference for the River. So it thought I was drowning and my body got caught in a psychosomatic loop until I "drowned".

It's very high on my list of horrible ways to die. So gills.

[sunmon]

Don't scare me like that.

[princess_of_ida]

Oh. Sorry.

Do you-

Do you want to know all the ways I've technically been killed here? None of them stuck, by the way.

[sunmon]

When you put it that way, I feel like I don't want to know.

[princess_of_ida]

Only a handful. It's not a big deal to me, so if you ever want to know, I'll tell you.

But we can get back to the whole gills thing. It's been my secondary research project.

[sunmon]

How much swimming do you even do here?
It's just the pond and the river, isn't it?

[princess_of_ida]

I think so. With the way winter keeps being talked about, I'm half-convinced when it actually hits that drifts so be so deep in the woods that one could drown in them. There also might be monsters that engulf victims in spheres of water or something just as terrifying.

Really, it was just an idea I had when I found out the Sea-Father gave Gilia gills automatically any time she's underwater. It gave me a model to work off of, to figure out how to integrate the oxygenation structures with the human body. Since fish lack comparable anatomy.

[sunmon]

That makes sense.
You two are quite close, aren't you? You and Gilia.

[princess_of_ida]

Yeah. It was an unexpected development.

[sunmon]

She was staying with you when we got back from the Void, right?

[ when ianthe said she didn't want anyone to see her. ]

cw: mob abuse

[princess_of_ida]

Yeah. I had promised her sanctuary at my house from the villagers when we returned. They beat her badly.

I still wish I hadn't made that promise. But I did. Still took a day being a bag of bones before she came over.

Where are you going with this?

[sunmon]

I'm not going anywhere with it.
I was just curious.
You hadn't really talked about her before.

[princess_of_ida]

[Not sure if she believed that. Not with that surge of jealousy over Zoya, but Ianthe decided to not press.]

Not an intentional choice. I guess I haven't had a reason to bring her up much with you.

[sunmon]

You can, you know.
I mean I know that you and I have something, too. But we're also friends.

[princess_of_ida]

You can understand how it's not the easiest thing to do, to talk with you about the other half of my relationship coin, right? Like you talking to me about Nikolai. Sometimes its very natural, and sometimes it feels weird.

But you can. Maybe we should. I dunno. This is unprecedented for me.

(cw: dubcon refs)

[sunmon]

[ her thoughts are a mess.

that she'd rather hear about it from ianthe than from running into gilia near her room, when ianthe had said she didn't want to see anyone.

that she'd rather not feel like she has ruined one kind of closeness with another, made as fraught as her every other relationship.

that she doesn't want to be rent by jealousy, and that it will only change if she learns to grow used to the idea that she doesn't own everyone she touches.

that she needs to talk to someone about this because she feels as alone as she had at the little palace, writing letters to mal that he never answered. ]

It's all unprecedented for me.
I'd never been with anyone like this before coming here.
Aleksander was the first.

[ and it was a lie to protect herself. to protect genya and nikolai. something else that she'd given up to be the sun summoner. she rubs at her face. ]

Sorry. I think I'm just in a mood.
Can we start over?

[princess_of_ida]

Yeah, Sunshine, we can. I kind of want to talk about Aleksander now that you brought him up, but we can start over.

You can ask me anything. Just because I don't talk about something doesn't mean I won't.

[sunmon]

Tell me how your gills are going.

[princess_of_ida]

[Ask for the nerd, get the nerd.]

I think I have the structure finally tuned in correctly. Only an animaphiliac could do something like this - much like my cock.

The hard part has been figuring out to oxygenate the blood enough to sustain a human. The basic principle is that the water runs over capillaries in the gills and oxygen travels from the water into the bloodstream through diffusion. But fish are very small so the amount gathered through diffusion is miniscule compared to a human.

On a human, gills take up most of the sides of the neck and the capillary... let's call it a net needs to be expansive to allow for maximum surface area. More oxygen into the bloodstream at once. It's still an inefficient process so to compensate, heart rate needs to increase to pump more blood to the brain.

I'm not sure I have that part right yet. This is why I have to do self-testing. I can survive accidentally sending myself into cardiac arrest.

[sunmon]

Are you sure it's a good idea?
Being so cavalier about dying all the time.
Surely it has SOME effect on you.

[princess_of_ida]

Sometimes it's the only peace I get. Those few seconds.

Cavalier isn't the right word. I'm desensitized to it. The amount of killing blows I've taken at Antioch, fighting with rapier in one hand and necromancy in the other, alongside our soldiers against abominations, never falling though any of them would have, being a beacon or morale and inspiration...

Blessed Saint, lead us into battle knowing that the Lord of the Nine Renewals lends us His Hand to smite our enemies.

I've lost track of it all. I don't think I'll go into cardiac arrest. I really don't. But if I do, I've got you with me.

[sunmon]

Well, I'm not desensitized to it.

cw: suicide

[princess_of_ida]

I will try not to die in your presence. In general, I try not to die, despite any evidence to the contrary. I stopped flatlining years ago.

Did they teach you how to resuscitate someone when you were in the army?

[sunmon]

I wasn't a medic.

[ and they weren't well-trained, ravkan soldiers. a resource to be expended, not cultivated. ]

[princess_of_ida]

Do you want to learn?

We call it CPR. It's for when someone stops breathing or their heart stops. It's no substitute for medical attention, but it can get someone back up long enough to get them to medical or necromantic aid.