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[sunmon]

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[sunmon]

I never said you were.

[ he's snapping. it takes a moment for her to realize this brittleness is the sting of realizing alina had kept something from him. she should have told him. it would have bought her his confidence. she'd been stupid to think choosing loyalty to his heartrender would feel like loyalty to him. ]

Nina wanted to be the one to tell you.
I'm sorry.

[morozova]

How else was I meant to take your silence?

( but, all right. )

Be careful with him.

[sunmon]

And if I had said something?
I'm not going to meddle in your affairs with your Grisha uninvited.

Do you expect me to come running to you at the sign of every threat? I should be able to handle them myself.

If Baghra were here, maybe I could. But all she taught me was how to show off for the king.

[morozova]

( with an unnecessary frankness: ) I would have probably taken it badly.
Which is beside the point.
I don't need my nerves soothed, I need to know where the threats lie so I don't stumble onto them, myself.

( if he had found matthias before nina had told him, well... they can be glad that they'll never find out. )

I imagine she had plenty more planned for you.

( he's not bitter or anything. )

[sunmon]

If you don't need your nerves soothed, then don't expect me to soothe them over you being the last to know.

Because I for one am absolutely terrified that everything on this planet is trying to kill me, possibly including Nina's new friend.

And I realize you may be used to that, and maybe you think I should be too, given what. What happened to Marie. But I'm not.

[morozova]

Do want me to teach you?

[sunmon]

[ ask for something, nina had said. let them help you. that's how to win trust. the fear trembles in alina's chest. ]

Will you?

[morozova]

I'm not as practiced at it as my mother.

( but it's not a no. )

[sunmon]

Nina offered. But obviously she's a Corporalki. It's not the same. And she has even less experience, although she is quite good at what she does.

[ all these admissions trail off, weakening her case. it feels like she's failing to defend something. she swallows the stone sitting in her throat and flatters him. ]

I want it to be you.
We've barely gotten any time alone together, here.

[morozova]

And is that what you want, Alina?
To be alone with me.

[sunmon]

I thought we had already established that.
I know things have been chaotic. Neither of us has been our best. But I told you. My feelings are real.

[ and he had used that. she won't feel guilty for doing the same. even now they trouble and gnaw at her, making this hard. but she really believes that any alternative will be worse -- not just for her. for ravka. ]

I thought yours were too.

[morozova]

Then I suppose we will have to find a place to train
you.
Somewhere unlikely to draw the wrong sort of notice.

[sunmon]

There's an access door to the roof of the theater.

[morozova]

After breakfast, then.
You'll have to show me the way.

[sunmon]

Be prepared to climb.

[morozova]

How fortunate that I've had ample practice.

[sunmon]

Have you? I find that difficult to imagine.

[morozova]

Oh?

[sunmon]

It's a bit undignified, isn't it? And you're so ...

[ it's deceptively easy to fall back into this. especially when he is not in front of her. this comms device, she realizes, might be dangerous. ]

[morozova]

Polished?

( it's not the first word that came to mind. )

I did have a life before I became the leader of the Second Army.

[sunmon]

In Fjerdan prisons, apparently.

[ if she can believe it's true. ]

Has it always been like this for the Grisha? As long as you've been alive?

[morozova]

Worse, generally.

[sunmon]

Do you think that's why he really did it?
The Black Heretic.
Was he punishing them?

[morozova]

Perhaps.
Are we not as entitled to life as the otkazat'sya?

[sunmon]

What about the otkazat'sya and grisha lost to the Fold?
Weren't they entitled to a life?
They weren't kings or diplomats deciding how grisha should be treated. They were just people.