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[sunmon]

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[sunmon]

i'm not above petty vengeance.
the darkling could tell you all about that.

[ but gilia's words have made a mark, all the same. indelible, impossible to ignore. it sits like a greater weight in alina's chest than even her guilt — it demands reconciliation. ]

everyone here is hurt and frightened.
not everyone here is a murderer.
you would never do something like that.

[seaboard]

Someone wronged me very deeply. In a way, I can scarcely express. Here, in this city.

I exploded his door because he refused to answer me.

[sunmon]

you did?

[seaboard]

He is a Dominant too.

I was punished for it.

And I tell you were it not for the beating I received that left me so unable to move, I think I may have torn it apart again in that moment for all I suffered because of him.

[sunmon]

i didn't know

[seaboard]

It was before your time here, I believe.

My point is simply, goodness is not easy, and any who simply pretend we do not feel, act, and burn as we do? I wonder what fearsome thing their heart is made from. We all of us bear so much in this city too. More than any heart should take and for little enough reason as to ever be worth such pain.

[sunmon]

and that excuses the pain we inflict on each other?
when there's no end to it, and we might just do it again?
how is what i did different than the man you tried to take vengeance on?

[seaboard]

It does not.

The difference is the pain you feel now, that you should even think this way you do now, to even want to make amends, to grapple what is the right and wrong of it?

Poisonous souls do not care. Poisonous souls say good, let them suffer, and let all else fall aside.

They would not express a desire to do better, as you do now with me.

[sunmon]

maybe i don't want to do better
maybe i'm tired because no matter how much i fight it here i never do it right
it just gets worse
i just get worse

[seaboard]

No. No. Not at all.

Here. Are you free this evening?

[ Because you need a hug. the whole world can tell you need a good proper hug. ]

[sunmon]

i don't want to see anyone

[seaboard]

Only for a moment. No more.

[sunmon]

it's going to take me a while to get ready.
you're busy.

[seaboard]

Not... not so busy of late as all that.

[sunmon]

okay
okay give me a bit



what do you mean by of late?

[seaboard]

I have... lost many people I care for...

I would be lying to say it has not taken its toll on me.

[sunmon]

people went home?

[seaboard]

They did.

[sunmon]

i'm sorry
i hate this place
i hate that i ever thought it was any better than ravka.

[seaboard]

It changes one grand hall for another.

But my mother would say that the floor is still the floor, and we all walk upon it.

My mother makes grown men cry by remembering that better than they do.

[sunmon]

is she still alive?
your mother.

[seaboard]

She is.

I suppose... I suppose when we quarreled that is what I was truly.... truly so upset about.

She is the one I have never been good enough for.

[sunmon]

you're one of the nicest, wisest people i know here.
AND back home, actually.

[seaboard]

You are kind.

I think it is that ruling, power more exactly, it changes what we are expected to do, be, and in turn, what we think of ourselves.

[sunmon]

that's a good way of putting it.

[ succinct. ]

i'd hoped being here would free me from it.
that sounds stupid.