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[sunmon]

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[sunmon]

if it's really just on them, then why do i feel like this?

[guylining]

because you're not a monster

hope regretted nothing until she got her conscience back
victor zsasz and roman sionis have no remorse, they're proud of it. they always defend it.
when someone i thought was my friend used my magic to kill, they were only sorry for tricking me, they still thought it was worth it

remorse is the difference between you and all of them. it matters.

[sunmon]

so i'm good because i'm suffering?
strangely fitting for the life of a saint.

[guylining]

if the only people who were supposed to feel bad about what they've done were saints, we'd all be in trouble

i don't accept by the way.

[sunmon]

what do you mean you don't accept?
you can't still want me around you.
reggie doesn't.

[guylining]

i mean i don't accept, you're not leaving
if you need time to deal with all of this then i absolutely get that and you should take whatever you need. but come back after. i'm not holding the city's shit against you.

you're not a monster, i don't believe it and i think i've dealt with enough of them to know the difference.

[sunmon]

just like that?
i thought reggie was your friend.

[guylining]

he is
so are you

[sunmon]

i shouldn't be.

[guylining]

i'm not going to punish you

[sunmon]

why not?
this is exactly what people deserve to be punished for!

[guylining]

yeah
and when i find the people i actually hold responsible for killing him, and bringing him back, and killing my friends and bringing them back and turning others into killers and stealing others away

then i will punish them.

but i don't blame you.

[sunmon]

you should.
you should blame me.
i do.

[guylining]

guilt is one of the hardest things we ever have to live with

so if you think you need punishment, maybe you have it.

i don't think you need more
i don't think you would've done this if they hadn't influenced you

[sunmon]

i don't know what i'm supposed to do to make it stop.
i can't undo it.

[guylining]

no one ever can

it's why people look to god, you know? for absolution, as if your mistakes can be wiped away that easily

if you have faith maybe you could do that

if not? you have to find another way
protect others, maybe.

[sunmon]

[ she thinks of jess. of the haggard, hopeless, tired way that she tries and fails to intervene. what guilt is she carrying that she's trying to make up for, alina wonders.

it doesn't seem to be helping. ]

i've never really been a big believer in the grace of saints.

[guylining]

you should talk to reggie

when you're ready. and when he is.

he'll need closure. maybe you can talk about it and it'll help you both in the end

[sunmon]

yeah.
he said he needs space.
i don't want to push.

[guylining]

he'll need it

but eventually he'll need something else.
you can help him deal with it when he does

[sunmon]

what if i'm not the person who can help him anymore?

[guylining]

then you have to do what's right for him, either way

you can't change what happened you can only influence where it goes from here

but i think he'll need you.

[sunmon]

he's the only thing in my life that's ever really been good
i think i ruined it.

[guylining]

you don't know that yet

[sunmon]

don't i?
it's easier for you to say it wasn't my fault.
you didn't have to look me in the eye.