[ but he has the chance, and he isn't keeping her with him. he doesn't ask her to stay. because she's not the person he wants. that person might not even exist anymore, she realizes.
[ that's the person he wants. the strong one. the saint. the sun summoner. she feels so far away. alina has been hiding from sankta alina since she got here. ]
i'll be gone as soon as i find a place. then you won't have to see it anymore.
like you don't want me when i'm useless to you when i'm weak
[ had he not been so determined when they'd first arrived, when she'd lost her powers, to insist that her powers were not the sum total of his interest in her, she would not have been so surprised. ]
people keep saying that i think you're just hoping i'll wake up one day and it'll be over it won't you don't want me like this and i can't be the person you wanted anymore
[ she's talked herself in circles. she feels like she's spilling over. ]
forget it forget all of it it's fine like i said i'll find a place and go
( i'm not. i'm not. stubbornness locking his jaw tight to keep the words from rising like bile. she's already decided how this will play out, anything he says will be twisted int accommodate that narrative. )
Because it's always going to be easier for you to assume the worst of me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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but something else sticks out. ]
how are you contributing to it?
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You were made for the light, Alina.
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i'll be gone as soon as i find a place.
then you won't have to see it anymore.
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Wait.
( a significant pause. )
This isn't about my not wanting you here.
It's that I'll keep you here with me, forever, given the chance.
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i don't enjoy any of this
but i need you
isn't that what you've always wanted?
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To care more.
Is that not what I'm doing, here? Caring.
Then stay.
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not looking at me like
forget it
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Tell me please.
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when i'm weak
[ had he not been so determined when they'd first arrived, when she'd lost her powers, to insist that her powers were not the sum total of his interest in her, she would not have been so surprised. ]
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You're grieving.
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i think you're just hoping i'll wake up one day and it'll be over
it won't
you don't want me like this and i can't be the person you wanted anymore
[ she's talked herself in circles. she feels like she's spilling over. ]
forget it
forget all of it
it's fine
like i said i'll find a place and go
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You're suffering and I don't know how to fix it.
To be what you need.
Fine.
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only the sun summoner
only someone who's useful to you
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I do now.
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Because it's always going to be easier for you to assume the worst of me.
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