[ there is the flutter in her chest to consider. the way her whole body warms at ianthe's assurance that this is for her and only her. that she finds alina worth experimenting, solving this equation.
it very nearly drowns out the bewilderment at ianthe invoking nikolai's name.
but only nearly. ]
I wouldn't ask you to do that. [ the words spill out of her mouth quickly. ] Saints. I know how you — And I just told you I didn't want to help you please Gilia. That would be terrible.
[ it would be terrible. and selfish. and now she is thinking about it for the first time because it honestly had not occurred to her before, even in all the times she had felt the push-and-pull between nikolai and aleksander. because that was a fact of aleksander, and how nikolai intervened to try and shelter her from him, and how aleksander intervened to try to ruin what she had with nikolai. her mind had entirely compartmentalized the notion. ]
(cw: dubcon refs, threesome talk)
it very nearly drowns out the bewilderment at ianthe invoking nikolai's name.
but only nearly. ]
I wouldn't ask you to do that. [ the words spill out of her mouth quickly. ] Saints. I know how you — And I just told you I didn't want to help you please Gilia. That would be terrible.
[ it would be terrible. and selfish. and now she is thinking about it for the first time because it honestly had not occurred to her before, even in all the times she had felt the push-and-pull between nikolai and aleksander. because that was a fact of aleksander, and how nikolai intervened to try and shelter her from him, and how aleksander intervened to try to ruin what she had with nikolai. her mind had entirely compartmentalized the notion. ]